Random Reviews

Idiocracy

2010-09-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

I watched this movie as recommended by a friend. The best way to describe this movie is to say, it was created by Mike Judge. For those of you who don’t know Mike Judge, you do. He created King of the Hill, Beavis and Butthead, the new movie Extract or one of the most famous, Office Space. I like Mike Judge. He creates things using the “What if” premise and then follows through with it, whether it is a pleasant or not. He doesn’t seem to do things just because they would be funny. He does things because he believes that’s what the character would actually do. I find most of his work frustrating to watch because of that reason, but ultimately more genius than annoying. For example I imagine his premise for Beavis and Butthead was something like: “What if there were two teenagers that were so incredibly stupid, that really believed that everything on MTV was as cool as MTV said it was.“ Like it or not, that was Beavis and Butthead. “What if someone who hated his job just stopped going to work, but didn’t quit.” BAM – Office Space. That brings us to Idiocracy.

The whole premise of the movie is explained in the 2.5 min intro. It is really funny, but there is some swearing, so be advised. I can't fault him all the swearing, because he's being as true to these characters ass possible. If you don’t want to watch the intro, basically smart people don’t have kids and dumb people do. Through natural selection humanity gets stupider and stupider. In a gimmicky way, Luke Wilson, whose name is Joe, gets frozen in a capsule and wakes up 500 years later to a point where humanity is basically mentally retarded. Everything is sponsored by Carls Jr. and a wannabe Gatorade. He was chosen because he was the most average guy in the army, but now he is the smartest man in the world.

The movie isn’t all that funny, it’s kind of dumb. Every time someone does something I think, “That’s stupid,” but that’s the point. He makes a dumb movie about dumb people. You can’t fault him for that really. He is just as true to his vision of how that world would be. I’d give it a C, but that’s the thing, in a month or two it’ll be a B. That’s how Mike Judge gets you. It’s kinda funny then, but it’s really funny later. I think Jared Hess is just another flavor of Mike Judge.

Quick Review - Avatar

2010-02-23T07:26:00.000-08:00

Avatar
Contrived. Terribly Terribly Contrived. As in the Plot was contrived.

Main Entry: contrived
Function: adjective
Date: 15th century

: artificial, labored

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/contrived

Terrible script that could have been written by Christopher Paolini. (Eragon)
(Ferngully + Daces with wolves X tall smurfs) Starcraft = James Cameron's inappropriate teenage dreams /Avatar (I used distributive property for you Greg.)
Orgasmic for the Eyes.
Overall worth watching....muted.

Where the Wild Things Are

2009-11-04T07:33:00.001-08:00

Where the Wild Things Are is a book written by Maurice Sendak. Everyone who went to grade school throughout the 70’s on has read this book. It is a beloved classic by many. The pictures are unique and it only has 338 words. It's incredibly short, yet has sold over 19 million copies to date worldwide since it was published in 1963. My theory as to why is that this book was written as an outlet for kids who want to act out. I remember reading it and thinking 'Yeah, I need a wolf suit." I may not have told my mom "I will eat you up!" but I definitely yelled at her and made her upset on several occasions as a kid.

The movie takes on this serious tone. Not an adult tone, but a serious one as far as kids go. I think it was fantastic child psychology. I, the heartless wonder who feel no pain, almost teared up twice during the film: right at the beginning, and right before the end. I can't speak for girls, and not really for all boys either, but this movie could have been about me and all the emotions I felt growing up. Max is a kid who is living in a hard situation. He has an older barely teenage sister who hangs out with her friends and ignores him because she's "outgrown" him. His mom loves him and he loves her, but she is a single mom. It’s the most unfair situation known to mankind (as far as a ten-year-old boy is concerned.) So Max decides to defy the situation, things get out of control, and he runs away. He finds himself in the land of the Wild Things.

He thinks he can take care of the situation himself by just wanting everything to be better. It doesn’t really work that way, because life’s problems occur everywhere, especially where there is bunch of monsters that have the emotional capacity of a 10-year old. There’s the frustrated one, the removed one, the bully, the nice guy, the logical one and so on. Each monster demonstrates a different coping method that kids use in dealing with difficult situations. They all want to be happy, but they just aren’t and can’t figure out why.

The style of the movie is one that many people will like, but more people will probably dislike. Spike Jonez opted to use muppets to bring to life the monsters, and even if you hate hated everything the movie represented, those monsters are fantastic representations of the drawings. I give it an A. Not because it’s the best movie I’ve ever seen, it is hardly that, but I think that they accomplished exactly what they were aiming for. It’s a great movie for when you miss your mom, or are so frustrated you want to scream. It’ll take you from that point to realizing that throwing dirt clods at people is fun, but ultimately unfulfilling. Even though life is unfair, someone still loves us and keeps our food warm.

Just a note:

If you are unsure if you'll like this movie, watch the featurette that I posted the link to where I wrote the title. There are trailers and a featurette featuring Spike Jonez and Maurice Sendak that explains the movie a bit from their point of view. I thought that it explained the tone of the movie very well as most people I've talked to expected a funny and goofy kids story.It's far from that.

Free Willy

2009-10-21T13:13:00.000-07:00

Hold me, like the River Jordan...when i think of Willy, I think of Michael Jackson. This is one of the best movie about a punk foster kid, with fantastic foster parents, who becomes best friends with a killer whale. The movie starts with some light begging then immediately escalates to cake stealing. Then without any provocation these kids cover Willy's aquarium with spray paint and cuss words like "piss."

It's a family movie from the early 90's. That's the review. I did enjoy the talking like the Native American guy Randalph every time he came on screen, but that was it really. I mean i could tell you more about it, but if you haven't seen it you won't care, and if you have seen it you won't care. I'm going to try and include a clip from the Simpson's soon.

I know what you watched this summer

2009-10-19T11:23:00.001-07:00

I watched a ton of stuff this summer. Some Good, One Great, a few passable, too many were bad.

I'm going to start with my absolute favorite from this year's line up of new releases to date. Zombieland.

I know Zombies are a little trendy right now, but I have a theory that it is really just a splash over to all monsters brought on by the recent popularity of vampires due to the release of Interview with the Vampire. you thought I was going to say twilight didn't you? Let's face it all monsters are trendy and have been for a long time, but the recent catapult that put the blood-sucking, sparkle-clad albinos in the light was because a girl wrote the story. I mean can you imagine if someone the likes of Stephanie Meyer got a hold of the Terminator. Robots and androids everywhere would be making out with werewolves. .... sorry, that was unplanned soo..err where was I? ... Zombieland was great.

Is it the best movie ever? No. Is it the funniest movie ever? No. What it is is (the is squared is a joke) a great movie that wants to make show you Zombies in a way that doesn't make you feel creepy. It's got some good suspense and the ending was atypical for zombie flicks. There is a cameo from a great comedian, and I loved it. I don't want to ruin it, but it is a party flick. Watch it with a bunch of people or in the theater. It is worth every swear. A-

I plan on writing a bit more soon. 18 is a lot of credits to weigh on one's brain.

Half-Blood Prince

2009-07-18T21:54:00.001-07:00

WARNING: This is a rant about the crappiness of this movie and includes spoilers. If you read this and have not seen the movie be grateful you won't waste your time on that rubbish. if you have read the book, please tell me if I am way off base.

This picture is far cooler than the movie. The sixth movie installment of the Harry Potter series.....If you have read any of my blog post you'll know how I generally feel about books to movies. I more or less hate them. I don't think it is because the movie itself is always bad, it is more of the fact that who ever writes and directs these films has either never read the book before reading the script or has a schizophrenic understanding of key plot points and characters. I even went back and watch movie # 5 which I didn't remember particularly liking and forced myself to look past the book and watch it for what it was. A story told through a movie, and I enjoyed it. I went to this movie with the same attitude. (How else could I justify spending $20 and braving opening weekend crowds when there is nothing else at the theater worth watching?) I hated it.

I can't understand why he would include so many wasted minutes with Ron and Lavender (a totally fruitless plot point) and never introduce Tom Riddle's family. I went to this movie to see three things. The pensieve memories about Tom's family, The horcrux in the cave, and the final battle/showdown between the DA vs the Death Eaters and Harry vs Snape. I was utterly disappointed on the 2 out of three of those things. If you have read the book and liked this movie, I would seriously like to ask why? I tried whole heartedly to understand the 'creative decisions' that were made, but I just don't get it. why would you make the emphasis of the movie about teenage hormones. There is way too much info to get out on the screen to waste 1/2 of it on comic relief...correction poor comic relief. The Quidditch match was longer than all of the memories combined. I just don't get it.

If you are someone who has never read the book and watched the movie, please tell me one thing this movie had that was worth watching. I know it is a story for adolescents, but I wanted to see the story, not watch a bunch of awkward teens make out and cry. If you I wanted to watch that i'd turn on Nickolodeon or the Disney channel or some other tripe that isn't fit for human consumption. I'm so frustrated. I wanted to like it. I really tried, but it just didn't make sense. C-, barely, barely doesn't fail miserably.

P.S. The title line was delievered like "BTW, I'm the Half-Blood prince." It's was an after thought. The director must have been thinking "Oh crap! We've got to include that part about that prince, since it is after all the title of the film....hmmm...throw it at the end." So stupid. UGGGH!!!

Transformer's 2: Revenge of the Fallen

2009-07-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

These robots are amazing. They can transform into every single thing....except a good movie. (Thanks John.) Ok but really the movie is just an exxagerated version of the first one. I acutally liked the story line and the plot (it is a movie about alien robots from space after all.) I hated every single second the robots weren't in the movie, or when there was a human in a scene with a robot. Shia and John Turturo just can't pull it off as well as Michael Bay thinks they can. It is filled with vulgar testicle joking, innappropriate sexual innuendo, and swearing in an unuseful way.

Most people who thought I was crazy about not liking the first movie have come back from this movie almost offended by all that. I seriously had the exact same problem with the last movie, but becasue it was new, I guess no one else saw those problems. So to all those who liked the last Transformers and hate the new one, I told you so. Michael Bay stinks. To those who like both, congratulations on being able to look past flaws the size of the Grand Canyon. You will likely have a long and happy marriage if you can apply that into your dating life. If you tolerated both, but hated some major problems with the movies, then you are me. Good job, Joe. I'll be honest the special effect and fighting are improved, but still slightly claustrophobic at times, making it difficult to see what is happening. I give it a solid B-. (It would be a B if it weren't PG-13. Too much in there isn't good for grade school and middle school kids.)

Angels and Demons

2009-05-20T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have a lot of mixed feelings on this one. I had to make a Pros vs. Cons list

Pro- There is a lot of Continuity with the Da Vinci Code Movie.

Con - There is little continuity with Angels and Demons the Book.

Pro - They don't completely ruin the 'whodunnit?' aspect of the story.

Con - The give away 95% of the spoilers in the book.

Pro - Ewan MacGregor is a good actor.

Con - Tom Hanks is really old.

Pro - Most of the changes they made from book to movie worked.

Con- Some of the changes were worse and pointless.

Pro - There is a lot of action.

Con - There is NO character development.

Pro - When you read about a descriptopn of artwork, or a place it is really hard to get an idea about what the author is talking about, so it is really nice to have visual aids.

Con - The mention the ambigramatic symbols like a common thing.

I could go on, but mostly the movie was ok. The book was written before The Da Vinci code, yet they decided to make the movie a sequel. The only reason I can see them doing this is the fact that Tom Hanks is old. I'm really annoyed at some of the big changes that were made as well. Some seem to be for no reason. Overall the movie gets a B-. I've seen much better, and I expected better, but if you haven't read the book you may give it a B.

Perseverance

2009-05-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

I found this today, how many movies have you seen like this?

There is a new movie coming out called Perseverance: A hard-nosed but caring coach organizes a group of ragtag black youths—one of whom is played by a hip-hop artist—into some sort of sports team. Things go badly, then they get better, then there's some racism, then they win state.

The Best News Article Ever

2009-05-12T17:14:00.001-07:00

I have edited this article for my readers with sensitive eyes. For the original article, please click here.

LOS ANGELES—In the largest deal ever made to (put) out a movie, Warner Bros. and director Michael Bay announced a landmark $50 million agreement this week to monumentally (mess up) ThunderCats.

Douche bag director Michael Bay

"I couldn't be more excited to completely (mess) this up," said Bay, who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation next month. "ThunderCats has a great story, endearing characters, action, adventure, space-travel, and fantasy. It will be an honor to run it into the ground."

"I'll use every directorial tool I have to suck the very life and charm out of this beloved cartoon," added Bay, claiming that the film could turn out to be the most colossal piece of (junk) he's ever worked on. "I won't rest until I get every last scene exactly wrong."

According to executives, Warner Bros. settled on Bay after a 12-month search of Hollywood's most reviled directors, including Joel Schumacher, Roland Emmerich, and Brett Ratner. In the end, the studio decided only Bay could be relied upon to deliver a 220-minute cinematic cluster____ with enough tedious performances, overblown cinematography, and CGI explosions to make even the most casual fan want to scratch their eyes out.

"No filmmaker working today has Bay's ability to somehow direct his actors to be both emotionless and melodramatic at once," Warner Bros. CEO Barry Meyer said. "And I personally can't wait to see how he needlessly overcomplicates the plot."

Bay reportedly only agreed to (mess up) ThunderCats after several specific conditions were written into his contract. According to the terms of the deal, Bay must be allowed to eliminate the character Panthro entirely to focus on the asinine relationship between Snarf and Snarfer, and include nearly 22 minutes of frenetic, impossible-to-follow action sequences that he hopes will annoy the (life) out of audiences.

"We're just getting started on the storyboards, but I've already got a lot of really contrived ideas about zooming in way too close and shooting everything at nauseating angles," said Bay, who claimed viewers won't be able to tell if the climactic final battle is between two blurry elbows or a half dozen leopard-print pillows. "I promise you'll walk out of the theater feeling like you just flushed $12 down the toilet."

"You will all (really) hate me," he continued.

Hollywood insiders agreed that Bay—who has reportedly been closely involved in each of the 45 progressively worse rewrites of the script—was a natural choice to take a steaming dump on the popular ThunderCats property.

"Michael Bay has this innate sense of how to ruin a great story," Variety reporter Todd Brick said. "His ability to create astonishing plot holes, pepper dialogue with groan-inducing clichés, and abandon storylines halfway through is unparalleled. He was born to destroy this movie."

Though he admitted there was still "a lot of (messing up) to do" before the script attains his trademark (poop)-slicked sheen, Bay has recruited hack writers Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci to punch-up the screenplay with hollow characters and by-the-numbers jokes about kitty litter boxes and hair balls.

But all the time and effort, Bay claimed, is worth it to ensure that he (messes)ThunderCats up as badly as he knows he can.

"Ever since I failed to ruin Scarlett Johansson's career with The Island, I've been looking for a challenge like this," Bay said. "Who knows? With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and ThunderCats coming out in the same year, I may finally reach my goal of making all of America hate cinema forever."

Weekend at Mat’s

2009-05-05T16:04:00.001-07:00

So I went to Vegas this most recently passed weekend to visit Mat. Almost everyone hears I went to Vegas and is disappointed that I didn't go clubbin', gambling, or drinkin'. Just ain't my thing. I went to Vegas because that is where Mat lives. It was coincidental, so let's say for the purposes of this post he lives in Montana. While Mat was working I watched movies and played video games. When he was done, we'd watch movies, eat and play video games together with his wife, Brittany, and their roommate Will. We had a grand time, and here is the breakdown.

Will

I must rate Will first. This is a picture of a Simpson's character named Fred, but it came up when I searched for "Will" and "Simpsons." I picked Simpsons for no other reason than it is good and being general in pictures. Seriously that could be a drawing of a million different people. So for all intents and purposes, it's Will. We stayed at his house and he has the largest collection of movies I've ever seen short of a movie store. I mention him first because everything I watched was either in bluray or HD DVD on a giant 64 inch 1080P screen. It was awesome. Thanks Will, you get an A.

Shaun of the Dead

This movie is really funny. Unfortunately I found that it wasn't very funny to watch by myself. If I had been with a group, it would have been much more entertaining, but I still laugh. I'll give it a solid B+. It is definitely the best zombie movie I've ever seen. Really funny stuff.

300

I really like Gerard Butler. I wanted to watch this because of the special effects, and it didn't disappoint. I don't know why, but I think he's a cool actor. He plays the king of Sparta in an epic war movie. 300 Spartan soldiers vs. the entire Persian army, lead by Xerxes who believes he's a god. This is a great 'manly' movie. Even the women are pitiless upon the weak. I give it an A-. Again, probably better in a group.

Leto's

We got pizza from them the first night. I tried hard to find an appetizing meatball sub picture, but I don't think they look appetizing. So, Leto's pepperoni sucked, but they did have a decent mushroom. The tortellini and lasagna were really good, but their meatball sub was great. Overall they get a B+

Sin City

I can't say I liked this movie at all. I watched it for the special effects. The movie looks fantastic and gets an A for that. The stories are pretty good. It is definitely entertaining, but It losing some major points for being disturbing. I give it a C+. Most of that is for the special effects. Scary stuff, like Silence of the Lambs disturbing, only worse. *shiver*

Little Big Planet

This is seriously one of the quirkiest games in the world. It's not too terribly fun by yourself, but put three people in there and you start slapping each other around and pulling each other and plastering stickers all over the screen and you get a game that made me laugh harder than I have laugh in a long time. I was hyperventilating. A for Little Big Planet.

Underworld 1 & 2

These are movies about the Werewolf/Vampire wars. Great flicks, if you shut your thinker off. It can be extremely unclear and kind of confusing at times, but a good story nonetheless. I like 'em, but the loopholes and inconsistencies drove me nuts. Just an FYI for anyone who may be making a movie with false realities ie vampires exist, robots can transform, animals talk etc. Stay consistent with your rules and do not create new rules to convenience plot twists you came up with later. If you make limits stay within them, if you don't create limits, it will suck. Underworld movies deserve a B.

Café Rio

I'm not the biggest Café Rio fan, but sometimes that food hits just the right spot. The barbacoa salad was fantastic. This time you get an A-, because you left a piece of cilantro on there. Blech! I hate cilantro!

Comic Oasis's Big Wolverine Bash

So we went to this big Wolverine party to see some comic book artists, get some pictures, signatures and watch a movie. Out of a $60 ticket only the signatures and some prints were included. It would have been a total bust if it hadn't been for….(F)

Capcom vs. Marvel

One of the vendors there had a set up of Capcom vs. Marvel. They decided on the spur of the moment to have a competition and were giving the Wolverine: Origins video game as 1^st prize. I played through the demo they had there and I found it fun enough to play through, but not to pay money for. Maybe $10. It's also one of the bloodiest games I've ever seen. Well there were 6 people in the competition and I got third. I have never played the game before and just mashed a lot of buttons. It was a blast! A+

Random guy named Ryan

He was at the comic thing with us. He participated in the competition and placed second. He only button mashed. The guy who won knew how to block, and that made all the difference. He was funny and I will never see him again, but he kind of looked like Silas from the Da Vinci code, or 'Prodigal roommate' from A Beautiful Mind" You get an A- instead of an A Ryan, because you liked some movie I thought was stupid, I can't remember which movie it was though.

Wolverine Origins

This movie was absolutely fantastic for 45 mins…then it started to suck, but just enough to keep you watching, then it started to suck to epics proportions, for the last third of the film. It was lie they were making this great movie and then thought, crap we forgot to insert this here, so they added stuff. Then they forgot to put in all these actors they paid for, so they put them in costumes and had them run around. Then it ended with stupid things. Seriously, Act 1 gets an A Act 2 gets a B- and act 3 gets a D+. The X-men movies do it every time….overall it's a B- *sigh*

Mat and Brittany

No we didn't go to Disneyland, but it was a ton of fun to hang out with these guys. We had tons of fun and they traded off on buying food. I prefer this to any other method. What I mean is that when there is a group of people and someone suggests that they should go out to eat, or offers that option, it's nice when that same person either gives a choice (would you like to?) or just pays for it. We just took turns paying for food and it was nice. That's not to mention the fun times we had watching these movies and playing these games. A+ for the Tuckers.

Rock Band

I have been a big Guitar Hero Fan. I've played Rock Band a few times, and was never too impressed. I played it with the three hooligans down there and we had a blast. I can rock Billy Idols White Wedding on vocals…and Stings' Roxanne. A

Die Hard 2

This movie gets the same review as Die Hard, except he wears shoes in this movie and it doesn't have Alan Rickman, which is sad. B

Office Space

Same thing as Shaun of the Dead, a lot of funny stuff, but it's hard to laugh that much by yourself. Definitely a group movie. B+

Warcraft III

Great game for Tower Defense. WE had a good time playing it, but spent more time trying to get it to work the way we wanted it to. It gets a B but should get an A.

Starcraft

Best Eveolves maps ever. So much fun, but similar to Warcraft III, it wouldn't work like it should have, so it gets a B as well.

Weekend at Bernie's

2009-04-27T14:54:00.001-07:00

No, I didn't acutally watch that movie. Over the weekend I was Home Alone *slaps cheeks* AHHHHHHHHHHH! Angie was quite worried that I would starve to death. I ate some peaches from the cupboard and assured her that I would survive. I did, with the help of a few friends: sausage patties, frozen burritos, chocolate milk, the Bluth family, Bruce, Keanu, Rob, Val, Jim and The Leavitts.

Die Hard- If you haven't seen this stable of the action drama, then you were the same as I until Friday night. I could have told you everything about this movie from pop references ie: Bruce Willis stars, Alan Rickman's a bad guy, he is barefoot and has to walk on glass, and believe it or not, John is very hard to kill. It was fun, but this is a perfect example of a movie that would have been drastically improved with the Cleanplay. I have a higher level of profanity tolerance than most people I know, as far as vocabulary goes, but using the same word over and over wears on me. That was really my only complaint, the computer technology was very dated, but not in a way that it detracted from the movie. B+

Chocolate Milk- As a youth I loved chocolate milk, a lot, but not as much as I did. Chocolate syrup tastes kind of funny. It's important to note I had two gallons of milk and a bucket of Nesquik at my house and I decided I was too lazy and bought another gallon of straight chocolate milk. B

Matrix Revolutions- If you haven't seen he first Matrix movie, it's really cool and worth a watch. For all intents and purposes it could be rated R. It's no more violent than a bond film; they just use a lot of guns. The second Matrix was just showing the special effects that were totally revolutionary at the time. I didn't love it. The third Matrix sucks. To be honest it is exactly the same as the Pirate trilogy, except the third movie wasn't 700 hours long. There were multiple Hugo Weavings though…. It's lame, don't waste your time. D-

Frozen Burritos- These are soooooo good deep fried. I cooked them in the microwave. C

Kiss, Kiss, Bang, Bang - This movie has Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer. It's a film noir movie about a murder mystery. I prefer the Whole 9/10 yards for my comedy murder movies. It was funny, but again, the swearing was over-the-top-out-of-control. I just don't get that type of humor. A well placed swear word can be funny. Dustin Hoffman can't do this very well. Jim Gaffigan can. B+

The Leavitts- They made me dinner and then played Mario Kart with me. Thanks guys. A+

Jim Gaffigan- One of the funniest comics I've ever heard, but he gets major bonus points for not being gross, swearing, or swearing while being gross. This video isn't from his stand-up, but it iis funny. It's a Sierra Mist commercial. Beans are wicked awesome. A+

Sausage Patties- They were delicious, yet not amazing. A-

The Bluth Family- Arrested Development is on of the funniest TV shows. I watched season 1. It was wicked awesome. I laughed a ton. I tried to tell the Leavitts about it, and just said unintelligible jokes between my snickering. My favorite character is Buster. He is a 30 something man who is still living with his mother. He has panic attacks and is an absolute riot. Referring to Buster, his father says 'I don't know what his problem is. Maybe it was the 11 months in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks in sides her uterus, but maybe you mother just babies him too much. Maybe I just ignore him, who knows." This show is wicked funny. A

I had a great weekend. This week I'm heading to Vegas to watch movies and play video games with Mat. It should be wicked awesome.

Author's Note: For the 'wicked awesome' to be funny you must use a Boston Accent. Watch Jim Gaffigan to really get the full effect.

His Dark Materials

2009-04-24T13:03:00.001-07:00

If you are unfamiliar, this is the title of the trilogy of books which include The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass. I could write a thesis length paper on the subject of what I think about these books. There is a lot to analyze, but very unfortunately I disagree whole heartedly with his logic the entire way through the book. Once again, if you are unfamiliar, these are those books that are aimed at youth written by an agnostic (not an atheist), Philip Pullman, who is a self-proclaimed 'anti- C.S. Lewis.' To be entirely honest, Pullman is a little bit of a pompous British intellectual who greatly over estimates his ability to argue and clearly express his ideas. Please take note that the huge problem I have with him isn't his opinions or views, but more of how he seems to have come to these realizations and ultimately tries to convince his readers with incredibly insufficient logic. To be short, C.S. Lewis wrote stories that can be taken as nothing more than stories, it is possible to block out the Christian symbology if you would like. Pullman actively preaches and tells stories through characters about denying the existence of God in a very distracting manner. It really just doesn't fit with the story. I really wish it did because he writes about a lot of things that are very interesting. To paraphrase his books; he has written what could ultimately have been a very intriguing and entertaining story, but his agenda gets in the way far too often He deserves praise for the new ideas and stories, for he definitely created a novel and unique experience. He writes long chapters lecturing on a disdain for religious zealots and a hatred for the doctrine of original sin as a basis for destroying religious beliefs. Whether you believe in God or not, these two arguments are woefully insufficient disprove the existence of God, which he isn't exactly aiming for, but he sort of is.

I honestly tried to enjoy these books and see everything from his point of view I really, really tried, but he harps on about the same thing over and over again. This conversation went on in my head ever few chapters or so.

Book - God probably doesn't exist, but anyone who believes in him does bad things, so this 'God' must be stopped at all costs.

My Brain – Why do you say that?

Book – Because this one guy did a bad thing and said God told him too.

My Brain – What if that person lied, was crazy, or didn't know what he was talking about. Perhaps he was mistaken. Is that a possibility?

Book – God is a lying jerk.

My Brain –I was talking about the guy, not God.

Book – Right!

My Brain – What's Right?

Book – See? God needs to be destroyed. I told you so!

My Brain – You're not making sense.

Book – I apologize, maybe this will clear it up. God needs to go, because sex isn't evil.

My Brain – Okay, I agree about the sex thing, but one isn't required to believe it is evil to believe in God.

Book – Because of that bad guy I told you about earlier.

My Brain – In summary: God probably doesn't exist, but definitely needs to be destroyed because people can do bad things and sex isn't evil.

Book – Exactly!

My Brain - I agree that people can do bad things and that sex isn't evil, but I don't agree with your conclusion. What about if…

Book – (interrupts) Oh don't worry, I never address anything else. Keep reading, you'll see.

My Brain – Why not? Isn't this an incredibly insufficient argument that is both unsatisfying complete and full of fallacies? I'm fine with disagreeing with you, but I feel like I'm arguing with a person who has a mental deficiency? Are you not addressing anything else on purpose?

(The cycle repeats)

These books are a literal and undeniable attack on the Catholic Church. He is trying to get people away from organized religion because he sees" … no evidence for (God's) existence, but of course that's not to say he doesn't exist; I simply haven't come across any (evidence) yet. Furthermore, in my view, belief in God seems to be a very good excuse, on the part of those who claim to believe, for doing many wicked things they wouldn't feel justified in doing without such a belief." –Philip Pullman

I have to agree with him, but he is making the exception the basis for the rule. Like saying we need to get rid of guns because of people who use them to harm others. He gives Christians a bad rap, but he also seems to think the only faulty belief system is Christianity and a belief in God. It's a complicated thing to talk about and I needed to vent this out. I really hope this makes sense. Someone needs to read these books (or if you already have) and contact me. I'm dying to discuss the subject.

Who watched the Watchmen?

2009-04-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

I did. I watched this movie because of the trailers I saw when I watched Ironman and Batman last summer. They said it was some amazing comic book story. It was a limited series 12 issues story that was written with no serial intention. 12 issues and that was it. I read the 12 issue graphic novel promptly sold it for the price I paid. It's hard to read. It was a train wreck, the kind you can't stop looking at. It's not awful, it is well written and has some very interesting topics, but it was entirely unapologetic, definitely for mature readers only. I think I would have been seriously messed up if I had read this even 10 years ago. The movie, as any who have seen it and read the book will tell you is almost spot on. To be honest I only had 3 gripes:

1-When people blow up in the comic, they just disappear. In the movie they become a bloody mess of gore and entrails that nobody actually wants to see. Poor choice on the part of the director. Vaporizing is much cooler than exploding, especially in Antarctica.

2- There is this scene in the middle between two consenting adults that is painfully awkward to watch. Before anyone goes judging me, there is nothing to see except how uncomfortable they are. It was like watching somebody have back spasms while another person experiences the same pain without the flailing and twitching. It is way too long. Showing them kissing and then skipping to laying in a blanket on the floor would have been much more tasteful, but still unnecessary.

3- Lower Manhattan. I get it; there is a blue naked guy. Let's just say Dr. Manhattan's piece got more face time than Topher Grace in Spider-Man 3. The chart says it all.

3.5- They changed the end. While usually changing the story unnecessarily for a movie drives me insane, this wasn't the worst change ever. It bothers me on some days more than others. That's why it is 3.5 and not 4.

I have to give the movie a B+ because save those few big things, they nailed it. It was exactly what it was supposed to be. It is movie about a horrible world where horrible things happen to everyone. If that's the kind of movie you want to watch go for it, you won't be disappointed, but don't expect anything else. The two characters, The Comedian and Rorschach are some of the best written and acted characters I have ever seen. The movie was worth watching just for that. Seriously amazing, but it comes with a lot of baggage so watch out. *rim shot There are some great parodies of The Watchmen. Enjoy a few!

Alan Moore, the author of The Watchmen, aslo wrote V fo Vendetta.

The Prestige vs. The Illusionist

2009-04-22T12:44:00.001-07:00

It's time to get down to business. I'm talking serious movie opinions. The last thing I reviewed was 7 pounds. I have a hard time calling that a movie. If what to now what my opinion was you may read it here. I didn't think there would ever be a movie long enough and more boring than King Kong, but it came. Ok first subject on the docket:

The Prestige vs The Illusionist

Everyone compares these movies, and rightly so, only because they were released so close together and both deal with magicians. Compare them all you want, but you're comparing apples to pears. Almost everyone says the Illusionist is a better movie, but I disagree. I think they are of the same caliber. I've analyzed this and would like to bring my evidence forward to let you the people decide.

Actors- We are comparing a cast of Michael Caine, Scarlet Johansson, Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman to a cast of Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, and Jessica Biel and a very good performance of Rufus Sewel as the duke. They have strong star power going for both of them. Even though Edward Norton is one of my favorite actors, I have to give the slight advantage to the prestige for throwing in David Bowie as the extremely interesting Tesla and Smeag….I mean Andy Serkis as his assistant. I love throwing real facts and mythology into my fiction. It makes it all a little more believable.

Plot – I love seeing vengeance and trickery as much as the next man, but as many of my colleagues have pointed out, it seems a little extreme in the case of the Prestige. The lengths those men are willing to go seem to be unhealthily past the benefit. On the other hand everyone gets their own in the Illusionist leaving you with a very satisfied feeling as you finish. I wanted to watch both movies again right when I was done, but I felt creepy after The Prestige, and disturbingly curious. Both of these movies are suspense movies, but The Illusionist is kind of a dark Fairy Tale, hardly a chick flick, but a romance story that uses magic as a vehicle in the plot. The movie isn't about magic; it's about the love of someone who becomes an illusionist, which is a very particular area of magic. The Prestige is about two men that want to have the best magic trick in the world and what means they'll go through to get there.

Suspense - Neither movie lacks this as it seems all the characters with which we have any attachment are constantly in mortal peril.

Realism - Surprisingly most people feel that The Illusionist is more realistic even though the magic that is performed and the things that happen are hardly possible. I was disappointed that some of the explanations are given while others are not. Also, the explanations that are given still seem quite impossible, but are entirely possible in the realm of reality created by the director. Most things are explained, but the things that aren't let us believe that paranormal events are possible. This makes it very easy to accept the explanation as satisfactory. The Prestige creates a means for everything to be possible. It's more of a science fiction based explanation rather than a belief in the paranormal. I prefer this style as I think it makes it more believable as possible.

Overall entertainment value – Excellent for both. I love both movies and could watch each one multiple times (I have). If I had to pick one over the other as the overall better movie, it would depend on my mood. Today I would pick The Prestige, because that movie surprised me more than the Sixth Sense. I like surprises. If I had to pick based off what I think other people would like, The Illusionist wins, because I feel it has a broader appeal. Both movies get full marks from me. They deserve the A..

The [future], [future], and future

2009-04-12T22:55:00.001-07:00

As of recent, I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about the future. Namely because after having been in college for 4 years, I finally have a graduation date in sight. What will I do after graduation? What will I do after that? I read Greg's blog about where he'll be in ten years and enjoyed reading it. The last thing he said was 'Where will you be?' That did it. I now actually felt urged to put my attention to planning my future rather than just seeing how things go, which is how I have generally lived life. One thing to be noted is that every future will hold the weekly contest of making everybody in the house laugh the hardest during dinner, family prayer, in church, in bed, and any other time it is too funny to not laugh. Without further ado, I now propose to you, three different futures 10 years from now: the realistic, the idealistic, the-should-happen-but-never-will-istic (or as Greg put it, 'in a future with limitless possibilities).

Realistic: The first thing that should be noted is that I will be the father of a 14 year-old daughter with big brown eyes. Whether there will be more kids is yet to be seen, but if so they will be at least 9 months younger than 10 years-old. That is hard to imagine. So with all this new technology out there I used some age progression software to see what she'll look like. As can be seen she will have skin cancer and the mumps (I guess the second M in MMR didn't work.)

In between chemo sessions with my daughter, I figure that I'll work an 8-5 M-F job as a health care administrator for some place which will be by then probably back in Utah. I am planning on getting my Master's in health care administration (which will have to be out of state). Not to sound to materialistic, but I'm going to have a decent movie collection. Angie and I will have a house and all our student loans will be paid off. I will also manage a website that reviews movies, games, and books, but just for fun. We'll have a dog too. A fairly decent sized dog. A Husky, Malamute, Golden Retriever sized dog, that will not be a Labrador. This dog will be able to compete in Frisbee catching competitions like the dog in the beginning of Flight of the Navigator. More or less we'll be a lot like we are now. This said house will have a rockin' party room. We plan a lot of parties now, but never execute due to funds and location. Angie will have either her own crafting business or her master's either way the funds will be taken care of. ***A.D.D. Moment*** It is our 5 year anniversary on Friday, for our 10 year anniversary (5 years from now) we are going to have a huge formal party. The whole nine yards: tuxes, gowns, spats, top hats, and tails if you got 'em. It's going to be a huge to do and almost everybody will be invited. Just plan on it, April 2014 *** We'll be happy, because we've lived through a bit together already, and by then we'll be pros. I will have been to Poland at least 2 times.

Idealistic: I will be the administrator a healthcare practice much like the one I work at now. This place will be very successful because I will have found the way in grad school to solve healthcare/ insurance problems for our facility. Angie will have finished her grad school and will either lecture or counsel on the side while running a insanely popular 'crafty' business. Ellen's mumps will have really been a case of the middle school uglies (thanks for the terminology Launi) and will be very happy. Our dog will win said Frisbee competitions with ease. His names is likely to be Pies which is dog in Polish. Our movie collection will have moved on from decent to enviable. My house will have a batting cage in the back yard, a swimming pool no one will ever drown in and some awesome trees. We'll live within 20 minutes of my job, but it will be more country like. Forest in the back yard no need for a fence kind of stuff. I will be an avid snowboarder, Ellen will be better. The party room will be accompanied by its brother the Ultimate Home Theater room. This room will cause arguments for every husband and wife that come in, (not us) but no divorces. My review website will have several hundred visitors who visit daily, many of whom will leave comments. I like comments. Our student loans and house will be paid off. We like Dave Ramsey. People will visit it us because we'll be generous in sharing our prosperity. We'll travel a lot. Like major trips to everywhere.

Should, but won't happen future: My ideas of solving the administrative problems of health care will be universal and everyone will benefit. The huge fortune we obtain will spawn the big brother of our other two rooms: the fitness center. We'll have free gym memberships for our noninfectious friends. My popularity will have made my website so popular, I'll have hire Google to run it, but I'll still write all the reviews. Pies, my dog, will have moved on from catching Frisbees and will be more or less like a real life Bolt. You know a crime fighting super dog who pals around with my daughter trying to save me from the green-eyed man. I will always get away from the green-eyed man. I'll have a private jet at my disposal to take me wherever I want for weekends. Our parties will be cool 'cuz we won't let any press in, but they'll want to. We'll have figured out what our calling in life is, since it's not likely to be replenishing the earth. I'll have so many movies, Netflix will pay me $15 a month to send them stuff in the mail. We'll have fun.

That's it. More or less I plan on having fun and taking advantage of whatever comes my way. Success is bound to follow us wherever we go no matter what because of what we believe, our friends and family who are supportive and love us, and because we'll be together.

P.S. I hope I lose every laughing competition to my girls, but it's not likely.

you gotta read the fine print...

2009-04-09T17:17:00.000-07:00

I was reading Leah's blog and it said that if I was one of the first three to comment I 'd get something radical delivered to my door. So I commented. I then decided to finish reading the sentence where it informed me I had to do the same thing on my blog. I swore a little. I was positively not going to participate in this craze when it was popular a few months ago, but alas, I got suckered. I read the fine print back then!!! I figured the craze was over and I was safe. I don't want to take back my comment either. I guess I need to get a lawyer to start reading blog entries for me.... So Clark, since I know you're like the only one who ever visits my blog on somewhat of a consistent basis, thanks to the icerocket tracker, you're likely to get something. Two other people too. It may be Al from England (if he ever comes back....) Here's the catch, I'm not going to make anyone give something out, I 'm going to make you tell some person to come to my blog and watch the old Krull video on here and insist it's your favorite movie. I'll give out something awesome, because that is how you can judge me. By my fruit. Since I am awesome, my fruit will be. Oh you also have to brag about how cool the awesome thing is.

Sally’s Song

2009-03-26T11:33:00.001-07:00

With the world in political and economical turmoil at the moment, I thought I'd change the subject by sharing with the world something that has plagued me my entire life. Through divulging I hope that I will receive the support I need to overcome this problem. It is a real life disability that I have suffered with for years. I am not alone in this, but I believe by sharing my problem, I will be able to add strength and hope to all those out there suffering from this malady. It takes a lot of courage to admit that I have a problem, but I feel it's time I opened up a let people in.

I can not understand words when sung. Not exclusively, just certain phrases. It isn't like people can just sing when they're around me and I won't understand them. Although this is very humorous in thought, it's not exactly the kryptonite of my aural acuity. I can generally pick out a chorus, versus are indecipherable. Choirs are the worst. If it weren't for the fact that I know most of the songs Mo-Tab sings, I would have wondered why a bunch of old people dress alike and stand behind the prophet at conference chewing on marbles in rhythm with the massive organ(no phallus jokes please, this is serious business).

It started back when I was a lad listen to an 80's song. It was a catchy tune, "Solid" by Ashford and Simpson. As they went through they sing you need to be '…solid, solid as a rock.' Well I was convinced it was 'Sally, Sally is a rock.' My mom laughed at me, and thought it was hilarious. The siblings next, I couldn't understand why. What was wrong with me? I just liked that Sally song. It just went embarrassingly down hill from there. It was doubly difficult because the songs I liked had a catchy tune that would stick in my head all day. I no longer dared to sing the 'words.' Then in my teenage years I had an epiphany; a strategy that would draw attention away from my disability. I would just make up my own words to any song I couldn't understand. This was a perfect guise, because having developed this annoying talent as a teenager; everyone just thought I was being an annoying teenager, not a freak. This has carried on into adulthood as a way of coping with songs that I hate as well. The problem has been growing to the point that everyone thinks it's just an annoying thing I have done for years. The truth is that my behavior has been escalating to hide my disease, for that's what it is, I have just been too ashamed to admit it.

I can no longer idly sit by while friends and family listen to songs and tell me that they love the lyrics that may as well be in a foreign language. I've been leading a double life. I avoid the topic in conversations in public and am unabashedly ashamed when alone. I am taking a stand. I no longer fear lyrics. I am strong. I will overcome, and (insert other cliché power phrases here).

There is something you must understand about people with this problem. Most of the time songs just sound like a garbled mess of words. It is only every now and then we can make out a few words, but it usually results in something similar to the Sally incident. Some artists blatantly make fun of people with this problem such as Blondie (Heart of Glass) or The Proclaimers (1000 miles). As a sign that I am trying to overcome this and cope with my problem in a healthy way, here is a list of songs that I have never been able to audibly determine the correct lyrics.

Song	Band	What I heard	What they said	What I thought
Blinded By the Light	Manfred's Earth Band	Revved up like a douche in the middle of the night	Wrapped up like a deuce, another runner in the night.	I was offended to say the least.
Follow You Down	Gin Blossoms	Anywhere you go, I'll follow you, Joe	Anywhere you go I'll follow you down.	I thought they were dumb lyrics, but I liked hearing my name.
867-5309 Jenny	Tommy Tutone	867-9309	867-5309	I never was able to get a hold of Jenny.
Layla	Eric Clapton	Lay low; darling won't you please lay low…	Layla, darling won't you please lay low…	I thought he was trying to give advice to a girl in trouble.
Daughter	Pearl Jam	Don't call me Doug	Don't call me daughter	It never made sense; even after knowing the lyrics, I think it's Doug, anyways, isn't his name Jeremy….
Bad Moon Rising	Creedence Clear Water Revival	There's a bathroom on the right	There's a bad moon on the rise	There may have been, you never know…
Loser	Beck	So I walk in the door	Soy un peredor	With two languages and a microphone… what did I know, I don't speak Spanish
Every Little thing she does is magic	The Police	Every thing she do just turns me on.	Every thing she do just turns me on.	That's right! I heard this one correctly, but the ones I hear wrongly make me wonder the same as this one. Sting thinks he's all cool, but he's not.

There are countless more, I just can't think of them all. If you or anyone you know has this problem. Know that you are not alone. Take strength from my story and open up. We may not be able to beat it, but together we can cope with it and live normal lives, IF we support each other.

Give it a break already

2009-03-05T14:46:00.001-08:00

I heard about proposition 8 one time too many. If I hear about it again, I don't know what I'll do. It may or may not involve me creating a group called:

Non whiny people against the people who want to overturn the decision that was voted for by the people in an election which made it illegal for people to force other people to accept something they believe as wrong because the people trying to force the acceptance whine more than anyone else and have more hate than a catholic church full of crusaders.

Seriously.

Taken

2009-02-14T08:00:00.000-08:00

Taken is a great flick. I don't call most movies 'flicks,' butI think of flicks as movies that are just good quick watches. There is not a lot of deep meanings either. It's just a movie that gets to the point. This movie doesn't mess around. It gets right to the point, which is getting his daughter back from a group of Albanians that kidnapped her for rather disgusting purposes.

It's very comparable to a Bond/Bourne movie, without the baggage. You see, unlike Bourne, there isn't some vagueness as to why he can do what he can do, he tells you, and then he does it. No guilt. He does it very well. Taken also doesn't have the overtone of some giant organization that must be taken down for the good of the country, like Bond movies do.

It's short, concise and very fast paced. I really liked it and give it an A. This movie also had a creative new twist on the kidnap thing I didn't predict. I also loved how creative they were with the fighting and action. It wasn't the same martial arts or one two punch, 'I win' all the time. Liam is just a force to be reckoned with and he's ruthless. He's no 8 wive brigand as he is in Krull, but enjoyable nonetheless. He makes Bourne look like a baby and Bond look like a 'god of mercy.' Here's the thing though, he does it in a way that you don't feel at all bad for the people he pops off, becasue they deserve it. He also doesn't kill more people than he has too, no collateral damage, like Bond. Plus they don't leave it open for a sequel. It's just a good flick. I got a similar feeling at the end as I did with flight plan. The bad guys get theirs, the good guys get theirs. Go check it out, it's awesome.

I'm venting

2009-02-11T21:23:00.000-08:00

I'm in the mood to write something. I've read enough of those '25 things' lists that it's caught in my head. My emoting will be in that format. There is a lot to read(more than 25), so don't go on unless you really want to know what I think about things. I just feel like emoting.

1. The random thoughts format is the trademark of comedian Stephen Wright.

2. Mitch Hedberg does his comedy in the same way. I prefer Mitch to Steve.

3. In Mac vs PC. I will always choose PC , even though Macs are so full of eye candy you'll need corneal transplants after a week. I compare Mac to BYU. You're free to do whatever you want, unless it's the things we say you can't do, which you wouldn't to do unless we say you couldn't. Like grow a mullet or not be different just to prove a point.

4. I love diversity and people who are not afraid to be different, but I lose a ton of respect for people who do different things just to be different. If I care about someone, I care about them. If one does something different or offensive just to see if I still like this person, I feel as if I've been backed into the corner. It's like saying 'Accept me or else!' It makes me sad. I care about people. Period.

5. Between the last three words of that sentence, there were three periods.

6. The guy in the Google ad on this page right now looks like Alex Kureczko holding a check. (Bez okularow.)

7. I don't feel emotions very well. I trap them in a black dusty thing in my chest called a heart. The kryptonite of this container is hearing strangers emote joy, ie; Dave Ramsey Show, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, select kids movies and cartoons.

8. I think a lot of things on Facebook are childish, and so I don't participate. I have enjoyed it for helping me get in contact with my forgotten life in Poland, which I, at time, desperately miss.

9. I probably reject as many 'friend requests' as I do accept them. I am not a friend whore.

10. Angie, my psychologically majored wife, says I'm a 'child of an alcoholic.' While it's not true in the literal sense, I can't really disagree.

11. I want to design webpages for fun and become an html wiz. I don't know where to start. It's going to be a hobby of mine someday. Anyone wanting to be a mentor, let me know.

12. I have my very own office at work. With several large windows looking onto South Jordan and the Kennecott Copper mine. (Bingham Canyon Mine.) It's hard to miss. It's huge.

13. My daughter is cute. People are afraid of having ugly kids. I thought I was seriously ugly until I was 18. I'm glad she is cute.

14. I could play video games all day long.

15. I could watch movies all day longer.

16. I love acting and improv. I would do it more, but I won't make the time commitment that it takes to get really good, so I don't do it at all. Lame, huh?

17. I had a full tuition scholarship to college for two years to play the bass trombone. I gave it up because I wanted to go on tours to cool places I'd never go to otherwise. We went to Salina, Escalante, and Durango, CO. Nothing against Durango, but it was freezing cold and we were there for less than 24 hours.

18. I can get pretty self-righteous. If you've known me very long you've felt it. I'm kind of a jerk when I get that way. I apologize.

19. I feel kind of self-righteous now, but I'm not sure. I could tell you if you were though...(see # 10)

20. I'm never sarcastic.

21. I'm very good at being sarcastic.

22. I will lie to you. If you say 'really?' I'll tell you the truth. I still mislead you though. I have carried this out to ridiculous lengths, to the point that I had honestly convinced someone I was eating cabbage covered pigeons. (wiecie o co ja mowie.)

23. I struggle with my parents. I got along fine with them as a teenager.

24. 23 makes me want to move to Poland. The correspondence I would receive would be minimal, yet positive. I wouldn't have to deal with the baggage.

25. If that sounds heartless, you're wrong. Refer back to #7. My parents don't have nice homes. Maybe if they brought Ty Pennington....

26. I own every single Metroid game, and have beat them all, except Metroid II for the original Gameboy, that's a hard game and Metroid Prime 3. I bought Prime 3 the day it came out, because I thought it'd be gone. I haven't had the will to beat it yet, but it'll be good when I do.

26. I own every official Zelda game, except one, (the oracle of ages/seasons) I'll get there soon enough.

27. I love my job. I feel like when I tell people about it I sound salesy, but I'm not trying to be. I just want everyone to be as excited about eye surgery as I am. If you show a spark of interest I'll hold back. Show two sparks and I'll indulge in a flurry of knowledge and minutia that you will probably never care about. This saddens me.

30. I love my wife. She can always cheer me up, even when I am as miserable as can be. Sometimes though, I try her patience and realize I'm being a baby.

31. I never dated Angie in high school, I always wanted to, but she or I were always with other people in high school relationships. She was more fun to flirt with than anyone I've ever flirted with. I am a skilled flirt.

32. I read novels through the night and never get tired, but scriptures or textbooks put me to sleep in a matter of minutes in broad daylight. I'm talking literal sleep not boredom.

33. I love just about everyone I meet unconditionally. Even if you hurt me badly, I'll still give you the shirt off my back or my bed. If you have hurt me, you may be wearing my shirt in my bed, but I don't respect you. Oh, and not that you care, but I don't know if I'll ever have a genuinely warm feeling toward you
ever again.

34. Sometimes I forget I have freckles, but I never forget my red hair. If you ask me where I got it, I'll think you're an idiot. Either for being stupid or antagonizing me. Either way, I'd ask you. Then you'd feel dumb.

35. I hate the radio. I am grateful to Glenn Beck for opening my eyes to politics, but I can't listen to him anymore. I love him, but his show is too much. I hate politics and will vote and base my opinions on what I feel is truth eternal.

36. I once fell off the face of the earth for 3 months one summer with viral meningitis. It was the worst 3 months of my life, and I only had three visits all summer. It wasn't contagious. Andrea sent me a postcard, which meant so much to me then, that I'll care about her forever.

37. Andrea eventually sent me another postcard of a lady with a moray eel. I never understood why, but I still have the card.

38. I love getting letters from people.

39. I hate folding laundry. I'd rather do the dishes. (Just an fyi, I'd rather dry heave than do the dishes.)

40. I don't think anyone will read all this. If you do, please say something. I'd appreciate it.

Radio Killed the Radio Star

2009-01-22T16:02:00.000-08:00

Dear Radio,

I have been an avid fan of yours from the day I was able to record words like 'poop,' 'booger,' and 'idiot' with your help. You helped me avoid being woken up by the only sound more annoying than an infant's cry: the inherently evil alarm beep. Do you remember when I was 14 and had a huge crush on a girl? She told me about how much she enjoyed that 35 minute song by Celine Dion (It’s All Coming Back to Me.) Do you remember how night after night I would wake up and 10 seconds later that song would play? I thought it was destiny, but it turned out just to be creepy.

Radio, you and I have been through a lot together. A whole lot. During the course of the last year we have gone through a love-hate relationship with stations, songs, talk shows, call-in shows, morning shows, hundreds of DJ's and unfortunately a ton of CRAP! Despite our long history, I'm sick of it. The few moments worth listening to are surrounded by things which have become intolerable. Such things are as follows: music I can't stand hearing for the umpteenth time(the killers). Crappy DJ's. Commercials played over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over ….again. Doom and gloom. Predictable crap. Poor, poor, poor ineffective traffic reports. And don’t forget I’ve never won any prizes to date.

We have been going through the motions for the last few months now, and I know you noticed too. I just don't think it is worth it anymore. I've fallen out of love with you. I much prefer streaming music from the internet or my ipod. I can't handle this frustrating relationship anymore. You've come to suck and there is no way around it. Our conversations are so one-sided and I can never get a word in edgewise. When I get mad at you, you just use Dr. Laura to give me advice. While savvy and smart, I don't always agree with her. Glenn is a good friend, but for the love of Pete, take a chill pill. While morning shows can be entertaining, there is always something better right after I get to work. I can't sit in the car for ten minutes waiting for it!!

I've had it with your toying around! It's over. I'm turning to audio books, cds, and my ipod to get me around listening to your droll ineptitudes. I recognize you're not all bad, but we just don't fit together like we used to. I will try to focus on your positive points when I reminisce our relationship, but do not try and contact me again. It's over.

I wish you to not suck in the future. It's hard I know, but it's better for the both of us.

Sincerely,

Joe

Spoiler Alert!

2009-01-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

If you would like to watch this movie and form your own opinion do not read on.

Hi friends, it's been a long while since I posted, and an even longer time since I gave a review of a movie. I would hold my tongue, but I can not. This movie was the biggest disappointment in a movie ever! or... well it would have been if I would have had any expectations to start with. I wanted to watch something else, but my wife wanted to watch this one. Her vote on what movies we watch has been revoked until further notice. The biggest problem I had with this movie was this: it was boring. Really boring. I started to review the last sacrament meeting I was in for fun five minutes in. By the time the movie really got going (ten minutes from the end) my heart and brain and everything else about me was moving so slow that I slipped into a bore induced coma. There has only been one other movie to ever do this. I'm sure somewhere.....

Now for the other reason I hate this movie, which if you don't want to spoil it, stop reading.......now. Smith's character is the most selfish giving person you'll ever see. Seriously, the movie just shows how psychotic his character is in his inability to understand humanity and redemption. Anyone that is that focused on one event would be thrown into a mental ward and put on some heavy barbiturates. The movie is about nothing more than a meticulous suicide that while having some merit, lacks the power thereof, if you catch my drift. He tries to play god, he has this supposedly high moral character, but he looks like a depressed constipated man for over two hours. Oh, and by the way, complete ocular implants are impossible. This movie is soooo lame. D

I'm not all hate

2008-12-09T13:24:00.001-08:00

I happen to enjoy quite a few things. One of these things is proper working windshield wipers. I enjoy those quite a bit.

I also really like Ellen. It seems that she made be eaten by a couple of hyenas, if they learn how to dig. I'll miss her when it happens.

This girl is O.K. too. I mean, if you like that type of person. Since I put her in this list I guess I do.

But here is where my heart truly lies, with Mike Rowe. Dirty Jobs is the greatest non-sitcom show that has ever been on television. He's a really funny guy. I especially like it when he meets idiots with crappy jobs (the general premise of the show.) I love watching him make jokes that they don't get. It makes them look so dumb.

How It's Made" is pretty cool too. It's like watching Mr. Rogers without the creepy puppets or the old man in the sweater. Seriously though, as an adult I can appreciate what he was trying to do and so I can respect him, but I've always hated that show. Even when I was 3 mostly because of the puppets. Messed up.

He/She/It

2008-12-06T21:42:00.000-08:00

As disturbing as this image is, IT is a fictional character. There is something I must say about the wonderful language of English. I do not mind being corrected when I speak incorrectly or misuse words. Chances are that I will probably play it off as if I knew all along and mispoke on purpose for fun thereafter correcting my speech. Here is the one exception to that rule: do not try to correct my grammar if you are an idiot, moron, or especially if you are a dumb person who has a personal vendetta to incorrectly point out one rule in English to every person you meet. If you are gonna do it, be right or shut-up. I bring this up now because there are a lot of babies coming out of the womb and everyone will encounter this problem. Whether a dumb person is there or not results in the amount of violence to be expected.

People think the English language does not have gender words like other languages (ie; el or la in Spanish.) English does have these types of words, as well we have nouns that have no gender, or neuter gender. No one learns this because it comes naturally. The words that concern me are he, she, or it. Child and baby are two nouns of which the third person singular pronoun is 'it'. If you are trying to be stupid (politically correct) sometimes he or she is appropriate, but it sounds dumb. Here is an example a a correct sentence. "My brother had a baby. It weighed 6 lbs." By the way, don't say, "Your brother had a baby? how did that happen? It must have been a miracle!" or something stupid like that. You're likely to get a bloody nose...from my fist. Not a laugh. It's not funny. If I have to explain to you why, you deserve the bloody nose.

If I say baby boy or girl, or if I say son or daughter he or she is appropriate. Also, I recognize that it is not incorrect to say he or she without predistinguishing the gender of the offspring. My brother did have a baby. It did weigh 6-something pounds and someone told me to call it a he. This person had no idea as to the gender of the baby, she just wanted to make a point, but instead she just sounded stupid. No, it is correct to call it an it if I do not give it a gender in the first place. The next time I hear someone incorrectly correct a person I will send it to your house....with pom poms.

Clarification

2008-12-03T22:15:00.000-08:00

I do not think Jane Austen is a poor writer. I think the situations her characters are put in can be awkwardly hilarious and ingeniously ironic. On the other hand, I do not enjoy stories from that time frame. I get frustrated listening to the misguided values people put on wealth, titles, and prestige (not that contemporary stories differ from this much). I also found it humorous that current politicians seem to act the same way. Saying one thing, while believing the opposite or saying something for no other reason than to manipulate a situation or appease others. I find that intolerable to watch, fictional or not. I want to shoot myself during the majority of the dialogue. I have tried to enjoy them, but alas, I find them frustrating, boring, and somewhat predictable (even though some parts of the stories may be fantastic and original). I guess you could say when I measure the pros and cons (for me) I look at it as a net loss.

As far as instincts go, I was making a sexist comment to the way that men are logical and women are not. My train of thought was as follows: More women tend to adore these stories than men (instinctively). Given that I also believe that all the situations could be prevented by logical decisions the characters could make instead early on, the actions the characters temporarily pursue are illogical. This in turn implies that women are instinctively illogical which is what draws them to the stories. Opposite is that men instinctively are logic machines, if you will. The caveat in order to accept that is as follows: men are (instinctively)heartless fiends who put no value upon emotion. I don't really believe that, nor do I know anyone who does.

More than anything, I suppose this is an inside joke between Angie and me. I antagonize her for attention, but I'm not taking anything back.

I Declare War

2008-12-02T22:18:00.000-08:00

By saying this, I offend more than half the population, including(but not limited to): Every single woman in existence, every woman that has died, and a certain percentage of men that act against their very own instincts. I hate the Jane Austen era stories. They are full just as much, if not more pretension, celebrity, and retarded politics than the last presidential election. I think that all of that stress and crap that is constantly going on in these stories is 100% avoidable by people not being fake for 99% of the story. All the stories are the same. Parents care about nothing but pretension, child despise this lifestyle but abide by it anyway. Children hate lifestyle, change and go against the grain. Snobby people get screwed, nice people get their rewards. The End -Gag me

Semester End

2008-12-02T15:28:00.000-08:00

The caption says: "I have to read this disclaimer: An opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing"

I have a very liberal professor who says things to upset people like me. By people like me, I mean someone who has a moral value system above that which the law governs, believes in a higher power than oneself (global warming and 'mother nature' do not count,) and doesn't bully or browbeat people into thinking their beliefs are dumb and odd even for eccentrics. If it weren't for the fact that I know he doesn't believe in God, I would bet money he was a J-Dub. Here is an example of one of the things he has said, and because I didn't have a tape recorder I'll have to paraphrase:

'There was a study where a group of people were told to pray for some people who were sick and the group was told they were people praying for them. There was another group that was praying and the sick people were not informed. There was no difference in how many people go better. so, in summary, prayer is clinically ineffective and worthless.'

I don't care if you believe in God or not, but that is a slap in the face to anybody in the world who believes in prayer. By the way a very large majority of the world believes in a higher being, estimated to be around 90% of the world population, that's 6 billion of the 6.7 billion total. I could go on, but I won't. He has said many other things that have helped me to realize how truly conservative I am. I guess it comes down to the fact that in order for yo to truly be liberal you must accept everything except anything that supports religion or capitalism. Which it seems are the only true evils in the world...everything else is not only forgivable, but to be embraced.

The Em Tea See

2008-11-17T16:34:00.000-08:00

No that doesn't not mean 'empty sea.' It's the MTC. All missionaries have gone through the MTC. Some people loved it, I did not. It wasn't a total bust though, I do have a few stories that I would share.

The first one is to make fun of someone. I don't know who he is, but I wish that he would read this so he could know I think he's a moron. We were at an AP meeting with the district president and this kid was in tears because he was tired of playing "Vending Machine Nazi" because too many missionaries were going to vending machines after 9:30 or whatever menial time it was. When he was done crying the district president said, 'Well hopefully that'll get under control." What I could tell he wanted to say is, 'What are you crying about? You are a loser who was given a little authority, very, very little. You are what is wrong with the world, and the reason that there are so many stupid rules here ate the MTC that put it on par with a minimun security prision. There are so many things you could be doing right now that would be more useful. I should send you home and spare all of the missionaries you'd work with the pain in the butt you are. I won't though, because your parents would blame your girlfriend, who is, from what I gather by looking at you, a blind girl who doesn't need any more stress in her life. You're pathetic.' It's what I would have said...

Now the real reason I decided to post is a story about scattering sunshine. At the MTC there are two meetings every week with all the missionaries. We would sing two hymns at each. Halfway through my 9 week sentence there, I went up to the mission president and asked him if we could sing a particular hymn at one of the meetings. He said talk to his wife. She assured me that my request to sing "Scatter the sunshine" would come to pass. This gave me something to look forward to over the next few yea...I mean weeks. Well it was the Sunday before I left and we still hadn't sung this song. Disappointed, I went up to Sister Wirthlin and reminded her of my request and informed her this would be the last chance before I left. She went up to the director and made him change the song. As I sat there watching the screen waiting for the opening hymn to start, a smile came upon my face as my request came to past in spite of all the prayers of the haters who didn't want it to happen. The congregation made it to the chorus the first time when everyone on the stand stopped singing and started laughing, but they tried to hide it. This caused most of the missionaries to struggle singing this crazy song. In the end, the song sounded horrible and most people were laughing through it in a riotous frenzy. This was my protest against 'quiet dignity,' which is a dumb phrase designed to kill individuality. I don't beleive it's a real thing. Anyways, it was awesome.

Extravaganza

2008-11-15T07:59:00.001-08:00

I was driving to school today when I saw a yard sale sign. I thought, "That sign sucks." If I ever held a yard sale my sign would say, "Yard/Garage/Bake sale EXTRAVAGANZA!!! Don't miss it." That sign would not suck. Plus people are more likely to buy your crap if they have good brownies or cake to go with it. I'm just saying.

On a related but somewhat random note, if you are ever feeling down you should try to work the word extravaganza into a sentence. You should really try and play it off as a totally normal, but I think it would be even funnier if you used it in a sentence incorrectly and then looked at people as if they were idiots when they call you on it. That would cheer me up. Here's an example, "Cancer is just an extravaganza of neoplastic cells doing what they do best!" Oh, and FYI, if I had made the above sign, i would have added Ya'll at the end.

Best Coping Therapy Ever

2008-11-04T23:05:00.000-08:00

I never cared about politics until I started working in Salt Lake and was accidentally introduced to the subject about a year ago. I am not from a political family at all. Until I went to college, I didn't know much about the word, except that political maps easier to read because all the states and countries are marked out with lines and solid colors. I got caught up in all the election crap, and now that it is all over I feel like it was a lot of wasted emotion and stress. After all the doom and gloom I heard life should come to an end in the next few weeks. I don't know if every presidential election is as bad as this one, but if it is, I think I may bow out of listening to any candidates before Halloween. I've learned a lot this year, but what I feel is the most important thing I learned is how much my daughter loves me. Even more important, I love her more than ever and she has given me something to be happy about.

Above is a picture Ellen drew. She likes to color and draw like every little kid, but this is her first picture. Everything before this point was scribbling and open to suggestion as far as what she drew. As I avoided listening to election results I made Ellen some mac and cheese, and she showed me her picture. She toldto me that she had drawn all of the parts of the main room in Willa Wonka's Chocolate factory (I marked the parts with my amazing MS paint skills.) I love being able to understand her and even more the idea that she is able to express her individual ideas and things she likes. It's going to be fun to watch her grow up, and no matter what happens on a state, national, or global level, I'm going to be with her and Angie.....and that makes me happy.

A Marxist Halloween

2008-10-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

Seriously. This is the real reason that people only trick or treat in rich neighborhoods. The chances of hitting a rich democrat is low, seeing how they are always giving their money to the poor....

Sure, I'll be a hater.

2008-10-14T13:15:00.000-07:00

The most recent occurrence was when a small child looked at me and said to his mother, "Why is he a redhead?" She replied she didn't know and I walked away laughing. This is the only time that I am not completely irritated when someone comments on my hair. "Where did you get that red hair?" Shut up. I don't care if you're old. That's a dumb question. "My cousin has red hair." Shut up. My cousin has blonde/brown/malepatternbaldness colored hair, you don't see me informing every person with those same inherited traits about my cousin. When people say, 'I love your hair!' or 'Is that natural?' I'll say thanks, but here's a secret, I don't care. I've heard it ad naseum. Here's a fact for you: I know my hair is better than yours, it's even more obvious when you bring it to my attention.

I did come up with a plan to sue Nokia, by means of association with Finland, which is part of the 'Nordic Lands,' which, according to urban legend, produced the first redheads, the Vikings. These vikings forced themselves upon those of the British Isles, of whom I am descended. The news that I may be the progeny of a rape victim some 1,500 years ago, (maybe more) is too stressful for me to go on, and I need a free phone for life. The Nokia 5800 XpressMusic would be a good start. My legal council, a judge who is about to retire told me that my case sounds like 'a slam dunk.' Maybe I am a hater, but it is caused by my Viking temperament, which I'm doomed to have by genetics, there's nothing I can do. Curse you Darwin!!!

As a side note, I am planning on suing 'The South' after this case flies through the system. Turns out 300-400 years ago they had slaves, and that's not nice. I'm going to try to get a trip to Disneyworld and maybe tickets to a Braves' game. You may wonder what stake I have in this case. I speak Polish, which is a Slavic language. "Slav" is the base word for slave which was coined when there was a lot of serfdom going on in the Eastern Europeans countries, (this is actually true.) I feel the pain, swing low, sweet chariot.

Change You Can Believe In

2008-10-09T15:37:00.001-07:00

Everyone is talking about change. I'm going to reintroduce you all to some change you may have forgotten about. The water cycle. Water changes all the time. Now there is some change you can believe in! Did you realize water goes through three different states throughout the water cycle? This matter comes in either solid, liquid, or of fact. Amazing!

I decided to change the format of my blog from only being about movies to include all of my ramblings. This decision came from a very scientific gathering of data which was tracking who actually comes to my blog. Amazingly I have a large amount of international visitors who stumble upon this magnificent destination due to soome miscalculation of google image search.

Here's the change. Since I'm no longer restricting myself to writng singularly about movies, I'll be able to post more often. There are a lot of funny things that I would like to write about, so I'm going there. If you don't think it's funny, then it's probably because you don't get it. So once again, I say, please give the water cycle it's due credit, without it, there would never be life. Right now I'm in the groundwater stage.

Big Fish

2008-09-26T08:22:00.001-07:00

Big Fish is a movie that came out right after I returned home from Poland in 2004. I heard it was weird, so I didn't watch it. I eventually rented it and fell in love. This just seems to be my type of movie. It takes a lot to make a movie like this work, and a lot of people don't agree with me, but that's ok, because they're dumb, but not you of course…. I enjoy movies that are funny, but not necessarily comedies. The movies that are unrealistic in a believable way are the ones that can really pull us in. A few examples of this would be Next, The Dark Knight, Stardust, and The Princess Bride. Movies like Star wars, Indiana Jones,Super Hero movies and the like go one step passed this. There is a difference between and fantasy world and bending reality.

Edward Bloom is a character that I can relate with pretty well. Everything he touches turns to gold, and everyone he meets loves him. He's pretty endearing, that is to everyone but his son. Edward is constantly telling stories that are just right outside of reality. This leaves you hanging in limbo trying to figure out whether he had an extremely extra ordinary life, or if he's just a big liar. There is so much proof of both things, that his son Will feels like he doesn't even know who his dad really is. He eventually becomes completely estranged and moves to France with his wife. Will receives a call one day to inform him that his dad is dying and returns home to see him one last time before he dies. He figures that this is his last time to find out who his dad really is, and the movie becomes a biography of Edward's life. an example is the giant that his sent to exterminate named Carl.

Months ago I posted about three other Tim Burton movies. I said that my favorite is yet to be reviewed, this is it. I have watched Big Fish at least two dozen times, and I'll probably watch it another couple hundred. I don't think it's for everyone, but this is another movie that fits me well. I really like watching Albert Finney (he's in Ocean's 13 and The Bourne Supremacy,) and Ewan McGregor is one of my favorite actors. Danny DeVito plays a circus man and Helen Bonham Carter is in there as well. One of the other great actors in the movie is Steve Buscemi, he's pretty minor, but wow, can he ever right a poem (there's no softer ground than town!) If you haven't seen it and you're in the mood for something that is intriguing but not deep or depressing, I think you'll enjoy it. For me I give it an A, but I think most people would rate it at a B. I'd really be interested to here what other real people thin about it.

Happy Valley

2008-09-16T12:29:00.001-07:00

Happy Valley is about drug use in Utah. I liked it over all. I thought the ending really tied it all together and was appropriate. It wasn't what I expected, but also I wasn't disappointed. From the way it was marketed, I thought it was going to be more about LDS church members with drug problems, overall. I was expecting to see these 'perfect LDS women' (as people seem to want to label them,) who are struggling with methamphetamines . Instead it was more about a few teenagers, and other normal people who have had horrible experiences with drug problems. Some were LDS and some were not. It was interesting, but instead of a commentary on Drug use in Utah Valley, it seemed to be much more similar to a dateline NBC on drug use from Utah to Salt Lake Valley. Pretty much just like that, except this seemed credible and you could take it for what it is while NBC media is garbage.

There are several stories of people who have gone through drug abuse and the director Ron Williams does a great job of portraying the stories of the people in a realistic way. I absolutely couldn't stand this one person in the film. She has some major personal issues that are causing her grief. They probably will for the rest her life. I would have probably sat there and argued with her the whole time, trying to reveal to her how dumb she was being. Ron did a good job of letting people be themselves. It's a good watch, especially if you've never been around people who have used drugs. Check it out or don't. I give it a B-.

Return to Oz

2008-08-12T21:39:00.001-07:00

Return to Oz is a very, very unique movie. I have talked to a lot of people about this movie, though usually only in passing. It's the sequel to the Wizard of Oz. I just rewatched it I am glad to say that it has a better rewatch value than most of the childhood movies I have viewed as an adult. Labyrinth is still one I can enjoy, but it is not the same. I was always scared of the 'Bog of Eternal Stench' personally, but not anymore. Well Return to Oz takes place 6 months after the tornado that swept Dorothy to Oz the first time. Auntie Em and Uncle Henry think poor Dorothy is delusional and that she basically has developed PTSD. I guess the theory is that our dear Dorothy has created the fictional land of Oz with fantastical creatures and adventures to cope with the stress of the natural disaster.

She takes a trip back to Oz after escaping the creepiest doctors office ever. Everything that happens to her in her life has a direct reflection in the land of Oz. It's pretty much the same as it was in the Wizard of Oz. You know, with the whole, "You were there, and you and you were there. too!" You were all there. Well this movie is like the first movie on even more acid. Let me just remind you of a few of the key characters in order that I remembered them: Jack Pumpkinhead, the Gump (the sofa moose thing with palm frawns for wings), Billina the talking chicken, The Nome King, the Wheelers, Tik-Tok, the 31 heads, and the deadly dessert. Not only all of this, but they also include remakes of the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion in ways that are just more fun than old people in costumes. You can disagree with me on that point, but this is more realistic.

I had a lot of fun watching this again for the first time in 18 or so years. If you've seen it before, it may be time to rewatch it for good times sake. If you've never seen it before, you must realize that this wasn't just a random movie made by Disney in 1985, it was actually based off the sequel that L. Frank Baum (author of the Wizard of OZ) wrote. It's also kind of fun to see Fairuza Balk in her very first movie ever. You probably don't recognize the name, but she's been in a lot of other movies. Waterboy and The Craft are probably some of the more well known. I have to say in the end, I think Dorothy is a crazy schizophrenic mid-west girl at the turn of the twentieth century. It gets a solid B from me. By the way, I'll give 100 points to whoever can tell me why the head nurse is arrested at the end of the movie. i just don't get it.

Casino Royale

2008-08-05T21:25:00.001-07:00

I just finished watching Casino Royale. James Bond is a man! I'm actually rewatching it right now. I'm not a huge Bond fan, but after watching this, I am seriously considering it. I haven't watched an entire 007 since I watched GoldenEye when I was in high school. I loved that one, so it may seem confusing that I didn't want to watch more, but I just assumed that they would use more sex to sell them than I wanted to watch. On the recommendation of a friend, and him just happening to have the movie on person, I borrowed it and watched it. It was an interesting take on this formulaic spy movie.

This movie takes the pretense as the first Bond movie ever. It is present day, but it shows how James Bond became a 'Double O' Agent. Fist let me say this, it rocked. Second, I was surprised at how little sex was being peddled. No I'm serious. For a Bond movie it's very clean. For a regular movie its average. On a different note, it is interesting to watch his arrogance and suaveness mix in a way that even Tony Stark would have trouble pulling off. I say this because while they both has seemingly limitless financial resources, Tony has a suit that can do everything for him, while James does everything in a good looking suit. This movie has tons of action in it, and some great chase scenes done in ways that were jaw dropping and surprising. The guy at the beginning of the movie who does the stunts has to be in some of the best shape I have ever seen. Well, at least he can do things I would only expect from a Jet Li martial arts type of movie.

I enjoyed watching him develop into the character he is in the other movies. They gamble quite a bit, and the stakes are high. It was like watching the Bourne movies mixed with Maverick set in Montenegro with British accents. A winning combination if you ask me. There is a scene in this movie that was absolutely painful to watch, but it made Bond the epidomy of manhood in my book forever! Seriously, I mean I have never seen anything like that in my life. This movie was fantastic. My dear Angie not only watched it with me once, but twice..in a row. Bond gets a
A-.

Neverwas

2008-08-02T07:31:00.001-07:00

Neverwas is a movie about mental diseases. The thing that makes this movie interesting, is that you don't know who is really mentally ill, lying, or if it's a fantasy movie. The main character, Zach, is played by Aaron Eckhart. His father played by, Nick Nolte, is a tortured, depressed alcoholic, who authored a wildly successful children's story about a fantasy adventure his son went on. Zach has the wonderful childhood experience of finding his father's dead body. His father hangs himself from tree, after he kills himself. His father is hanging from tree in the forest area behind their house. Oh the memories!

Before Zach's father dies, he was in Mill Wood, a mental institution. Zach grows up to be a psychiatrist. He takes a job at Mill Wood, because he wants to figure out why his dad killed himself and make sure nothing like this ever happens again. While there he meets Gabriel Finch, wonderfully played by Ian McLellan. A paranoid schizophrenic who thinks he is the king of a land called Neverwas. Everything Gabriel tells Zach is reminiscent of something, but he can't quite place it. He realizes that the 'reality' Gabriel lives in is based off of his father's book that was written about Zach. Gabriel has been in and out of Mill Wood for years, and when Zach finds out Gaabriel was at Mill Wood the same time as his father, he starts to wonder where the idea for the book came from.

He finds out that everything Gabriel had written in a book about the land of Neverwas was written before his dad had arrived at Mill Wood. The quest to find out where the story originated is fantastically done in a very unique way. I don't believe I have ever seen a movie quite like this, and I have no idea where I was when it came out. It's very interesting and I would recommend it to anyone looking for a semi-suspenseful, fully-interesting movie. I give it a B+. Let me know what you think.

Clone Wars: The Epic Micro Series

2008-07-31T10:01:00.001-07:00

If you haven't already seen the trailer or heard about it, there is a new Star Wars movie coming out this fall. It's called Star Wars Clone Wars. It's CGI and it looks pretty good. It is going to be canonized (meaning it will fit with the rest of the movies), but the biggest hope of all, it will not be directed by George Lucas. I want to call it Star Wars: A New Hope for the Franchise. Not that I think the Star Wars name is hurting financially, but I just don't think George Lucas remembers how to direct anymore. He probably sold that ability along with every marketing right and intellectual property he ever had, but I'll save that for another time. The point is whether or not you've heard of it, you should have (click here).

In 2003 there was a micro series released on Cartoon Network called Clone Wars. It was a bunch of 12 minute mini-stories from the actual Clone Wars we heard so much about in the rest of the series. You know, the things that happened between Episode II and Episode III. There were one, two, or maybe it was a hundred questions left unanswered. Anakin is a Jedi Knight, but not a master? He has a scar on his face, but where did it come from? Is it me or is the war is pretty much over, you know except slaughtering of the Jedi. How did we get from decrepit old arthritis ridden Count Dooku to that? And what's with the hacking, coughing, breathing robot? Why is he important? Where did he get all those light sabers? Needless to say starting Episode III with a barrage of space ships in a very claustrophobic environment made me forget I was confused until I watched it the second time in the theater.

The Clone Wars micro series is really fun. The animation is similar to anime, but everything except the space battles are hand drawn cells. Its style is unique, and while not altogether my taste, I really enjoyed it in the end. The story is there, George Lucas is not, and the actors who do the voice for the cartoon made me think that they got the movie actors for most of them. It has a ton of action, and you get to see some of the lesser known Jedi knights in action. It's a lot of fun. Even my wife enjoyed it! I gained more of an appreciation and a little bit more respect for the spoiled brat character known as Anakin Skywalker. There is no doubt about it, he has got the skills. If you like the Star Wars story pick up the DVDs at the rental store, Netflix, or even goes buy them. I don't think a fan of the series can go without watching them. I give the stories a solid B+.

Summer Blockbusters

2008-07-30T12:06:00.001-07:00

So I've have seen quite a few movies in the theater this summer, I think about 10. I would love to do full reviews about them all, because I enjoy doing that. I am going to stray from that format and give each of these movies a letter grade and a sentence or two in one big post, in order that I watched them. Ready? ...Go!

This movie is something I have been looking forward to for a year. It was face paced, awesome and well Tony Stark is the guy everyone wants to be. He's rich, powerful, genius, charismatic, and he has a really cool suit with a kick-butt attitude to drive it. It's really hard not to like this movie. This was a fantastic way to start off a great summer movie season. A

I watched the first movie (which is the second of seven books), and then I read all of the books. I then watched this movie (which is the fourth of seven books), and well it was adequate. Basically it's an ok movie. Much is reminiscent of Lord of the Rings and other fantasy movies. I did enjoy it. But I dislike the actors that play the two older kids. They bug me B-

On the surface, this is a movie anyone can enjoy, if you are looking for a movie about, well lets face it, radioactive steroids. Knowing the story of the Hulk and the struggles he has to deal with in the beginning of his story, I thought it was very well done. There was a lot more action than the first movie, but they didn't retell that story. The movie dives right in. B+

Ok, Hollywood is obsessed with being able to have scientific explanations for everything. They've ruined everything that ever had anything to do with religion. The most prominent of which is the Jedi religion. They changed it from 'an ancient religion' to 'microscopic organisms in your blood.' LAME! Well Indiana Jones used to be cool. There were all sorts of supernatural things going on that can only be explained by religion: the ark, the grail, ripping out the heart of living beings. Then the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull comes along and whizzes on the heads of its ancestors. George Lucas and Steven Spielberg suck. They lost whatever it was that made them great, if you ask me it deserves a D+. I would go with a C-, but I was very disappointed. Most of the actors were great, that was mostly negated by the terrible Russian lady though…. The let down was more than King Kong, Ghostrider, and all the X-men movies put together.

I wanted to watch this movie because it looked like it was very well done in a deliberate fashion. I like it when people make movies in a controlled environment. It means that everything they do is on purpose, and then it makes of an art form than just another movie. I was actually quite surprised by how much I enjoyed this movie. It was like watching live-action anime. So if you're prone to seizures, beware! The story was really good and it was a feel-good movie, but I really liked it. It's a B movie that deserves a plus for me being pleasantly surprised. So B+!

I went to this movie with my fam and my brothers fam. My daughter liked this better than both Wall-E and Kung-Fu Panda. I felt as if the essence of what Dr. Seuss was trying to do with this story was completely lost in the production. Between the big names, different style, and trying to make all of the kids laugh every 30 seconds its hard to make anything in that movie very consistent. I give it a B-, mostly for the funny anime sequence in the middle which reminded me of Speed Racer, which as I might remind you, pleasantly surprised me.

This movie was pretty funny. I like Jack Black about 1/3 of the time. For me he fits in the Jim Carrey, Will Ferrell, Adam Sandler category. That category is 'people that can act, but mostly just act like idiots on film. I took my 3 year-old daughter to this, and she liked it about as much as I did. It was fun. Solid B.

Wow, Wall-E. I was really excited for this movie. The animation looked good. The robots looked interesting. It looked funny. I went to watch it and left feeling insulted and annoyed. That never bodes well for a movie. I understand its environmental overtones and commentary on American culture are supposed to be satirical and possibly inspirational, but it was a little too serious to be funny for the whole movie. I didn't agree with the movie's message, and I there wasn't enough comedy or interest to really keep the movie entertaining to me. The only saving grace is the love story between Wall-E and Eve. I really liked that. Any allegory people draw from this movie I argue is misplaced and unnecessary. I give it a C, but some people will rate it far higher.

Chris Nolan (the director) brought us a much more realistic, darker Batman in Batman Begins. Dark Knight is a play on words. It refers to Gotham's darkest night. It really is an intense and very well done film. Kudos to Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart for their villain roles. I thought they both did great. The movie was done like a comic book in the sense that they had 5-8 arcs building into one big plot arc tying everything together. I don't know if I would change a thing about this movie, except Batman's voice, it's a little overdone. It's violent, dark, depraved, scary, and very real. This is what Batman is really about. A+
I still have more movies to watch this summer, including: Tropic Thunder, Hancock, and Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Get Smart, and The X-Files. Nothing else looked that good to me.

Transformers

2008-06-30T15:01:00.001-07:00

Oh Transformers. I once had either 3 or 4 girls at my house and I made them watch the original Transformers the Movie. I left the room for a minute and they had fast-forwarded it for about 15-20 minutes hoping I wouldn't notice. You know who you are. I wish I could have done that to this movie. Michael Bay is one of my least favorite directors…EVER! His formula for making movies is: 1- Say the F-word a lot. 2- Blow things up. 3- Say the F-word some more. 4- Put in some eye candy of a chick, while blowing the F-word up in the background. 5- (This is when he remembers actors can speak more than 4 letter words) Have the actors say something witty or funny, not both, in an awkward way, while improvising around product placement. 6- Demand that anyone who doesn't like your movies is insignificant. There you go. Now, he may be upset with me for leaking his formula on the internet, but I don't care (He's probably only read my blog a few times anyway…..). I'm more worried that by putting it out there someone my duplicate it dumbing the world's population just a little bit more.

But he's got amazing special effects and 10,000 moving parts in every robot! As his T-shirt said 'Big *$#%#$ing robots" Special effects and a big budget are not enough to save a movie. Ie Hulk (the first one), the Matrix sequels, the Pirates sequels, The Mummy movies, etc. Transformers was not a complete waste of film, I mean GM got a ton of advertising. I enjoyed looking at the concept camarro. The acting in the movie is sub par for any Hollywood movie, but this was a Hollywood blockbuster!!! My block wasn't busted at all. I have seen most of the actors individually in other movies, but I can hardly stomach them in Transformers. I could have made the movie more interesting by just saying cut after 3 minutes into every seen that had dialogue, talk about inane drabble and useless subplots. I remember Starscream and Soundwave and The real Bumble Bee and Hot Rod and Cop and he just left 'em all out like a moron.

This may sound harsh, but it's true. I would have reviewed this movie last year, but I wanted to watch it again after I had forgotten how bad it was. Turns out it was worse than that. I give it 4 out of 10. It receives 2 points for special effects, and 3 points for keeping the original voice of Optimus Prime, but minus 1 point for trading Megatron's original voice (Frank Welker) for Hugo Weaving. Nothing wrong with the Lord of Rivendell, but he's no Megatron. BOOOOOO on Michael Bay. Thanks for dry heaving on my childhood and handing back to me. Oh, and by the way, he used to direct porn. Pervert!

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

2008-04-26T16:20:00.000-07:00

One of the things in this world that 'grinds my gears' more than anything else is the idea that we must accept everything solely because someone else does, it doesn't matter if it is right or wrong. And let it be known across the world, there is a right and a wrong, and it doesn't matter whose feelings get hurt, its right or wrong regardless of human emotion. As Mr. Miyagi says in Karate Kid II, "If you sacrifice your principles to win, you always lose." Think about that. Anyways, being called closed minded or a hater does anything but help one want to consider reevaluating a take on any situation. Expelled is a movie for people who have ever felt that they would be reprimanded for saying that they have a value that they've had to stand up for, no matter the consequences. It says no Intelligence allowed, and that is a play off the 'Intelligent Design' theory dealing with the origin of man. Almost everyone that will be reading this has been to a college in the last few years, most of you are in Utah, which is generally considered more conservative. Key word generally. Expelled documents this trend across the United States, but even more specifically in the scientific community the world over, science has become one sided and very unscientific on certain subjects, intelligent design being the focus of this feature.

I have to say I totally agree with what the Ben Stein has to say and most of his opinions, but not necessarily every way he has to say it. There are times when things seem a bit one sided, but it's pretty hard to get me to sympathize with a liberal. It's a simple argument really between two sides. People who believe in God and people who don't. The problem is people who believe in God says it's ok to not believe in God, while the people who don't believe in God deny tenure, fire, humiliate, ridicule and are basically actively attacking those who do. The argument goes something like this. Darwinists say that everything living came from a common origin, but we don't know what that original thing was or how it started, it is NOT God. Intelligent design advocates say that something created that first thing, what the fist thing was could be a cell or a human or whatever really, just that some kind of intelligence created that first living thing, possibly God. Now before anyone gets huffy and says that you can believe in both Darwin and God, 3 of the leading Darwinists are the biggest antagonists of Intelligent Design are all atheists(plus many more I'm sure). When asked, they say that following Darwinian logic lead them there. So, it's just that you can't take every evidence presented from both sides and give them equal treatment and come out with an answer. If you push yourself you'll either go on way or the other whichever you have a stronger tendency for.

Why the big attack on religion? Shouldn't they just let these 'Creationists' be? Well the opposing side is claiming that giving any lead way for this theory is trying to bring religion into the classroom. Something that can be a good thing, if your faith is the one being represented, but even God doesn't want to force you to learn things you don't want to. I feel this gives some, albeit little, but some credit to their argument. I really enjoyed this movie and feel strongly about supporting my values, which are represented in it. There is a little too much 'propaganda' for my taste, and like I said at times it is a little one sided, but don't you worry the opposition to Ben has plenty of face time to say what they think. The movie follows a parallel of the idea that a 'Berlin wall' of sorts has been built in science and we need to break it down. I agree, and as alluded to at the beginning of this review, this is only one of many subjects that are expressed in a very one sided manner in our colleges and media especially. I give it a 7 out of 10. It's definitely worth watching, although it may be a renter for most. The scenes with the guy from Tennessee and Richard Dawkins are awesome, especially the last one.(dismount high horse, step off soap box, and fade out.)

Wardance

2008-04-17T22:26:00.000-07:00

Well here's an artsy film. It's called War Dance. This is a film that has the power to drive emotions. The best way I can describe the way this movie makes you feel is through a comparison. You know when you really, really want to have something, a present from someone else, to win, a job, a girlfriend or boyfriend, whatever it is you want it. Not just any girlfriend or boyfriend, or just any present, you know exactly what you want, but it is completely up to someone else to bring you that joy. You can't hire yourself, you can't give yourself that present, you can't win without your team mates. You have every hope and dream to obtain what you want, but it's just out of reach until someone gives it to you. Yeah, that's how this movie makes you feel. It's about a tribal war zone in northern Uganda.

The movie follows the stories of three of these children whose lives have been directly affected by rebel attacks. Rose, Dominic, and Nancy. Each has a very disturbing story. Very disturbing. They belong to the Acholi tribe and attend the primary school at one of many camps that their tribe occupies. It's actually the poorest and most remote of the camps. The school teaches song, dance, and other musical activities for the children. Each year there is a music festival in the city of Kampala, and different schools from across the country of Uganda are invited. This is the first year the Patongi school has been given this honor. Some professional teachers are brought in to help the kids learn the technicalities of the judging process and grill them and work them for days. You begin to appreciate the importance of this program in the lives of the children as you learn more and more of their stories.

On top of the personal stories of the children and the suspense of the pending music festival, this is one of the most beautifully shot films I have ever seen. I enjoyed every aspect of it. It is a documentary, but there is no narration. There is no political agenda pushing you one way or the other, but your heart reaches out to these people. There are some gorgeous scenes with amazing cinematography. Above all, I have to say my favorite part of the movie is that I was reminded that people are naturally good. They have no inkling to do evil or harm, until they've learned it and embraced it afterwards. I feel a longing to go to Uganda and help, because these people deserve every happiness in the world. Now if can get off my soap box, I would like to give this movie a 7 out 10. It's something I want to own. Not to watch everyday, but to remind me of what a pure heart is like when I forget, and to show other people, so they can learn. It's a beautiful movie!

Tim Burton Movies

2008-04-03T17:01:00.001-07:00

I'm not going to review all of Tim Burton's movies, but three of them. If I had to choose between "do I like Tim Burton, or do I not like him?" I would absolutely choose I like him, but I don't like all the films he makes. He always approaches his movies from an angle that is odd and different, without being cliche' by doing it. Sometimes I can appreciate it, for example the monotony of the neighborhood in Edward Scissorhands is just fantastic. Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber, is a little to gory to be my cup of tea. I think what it comes down to is how he gets the actors to what they do.

The first movie I am going to review is The Nightmare Before Christmas. I really like this movie. It has definitely grown on me over time. Jack Skeleton is the king of Halloween Town. He has the job of scaring, and making sure Halloween is great. He has done this for so long, that he is at a point where he feels there must be more to life than this. He feels very empty, and in so feeling goes on a lone forlorn walk with his ghost dog zero. He falls into Christmas Town where there is a feeling of something that he has never felt before(I think its the spirit). What is this thing? He thinks he's got it figured out. So in a nutshell, he kidnaps Santa, gives him to these kids, they give him to Mr. Boogey, and Jack proceeds to completely botch up Christmas. Sally is a girl who feels a need to be something more than she is as well. Plus she's sewn together, that's just kinda cool. Jack tries posing as St. Nick and when he finishes, he finds something is wrong. He rescues Santa, who proceeds to save the day, and Jack resumes his place in Halloween Town, with Sally as his gal. It sounds pretty simple. The thing about this movie that really draws me to it is that Jack is searching for meaning in his life because it's pretty unfulfilling. He tries to create something by himself, but he realizes he needs to make changes in his life to become happy, not take over someone else's. What's this? 8 out 0f 10.

Corpse Bride is a movie that is forever and always going to be compared to The Nightmare Before Christmas. I did it, and you did it, (or will do it or would have anyway). It's a fun movie but it doesn't really hold a candle to it's big brother. One of the best parts of The Nightmare Before Christmas is the music, but there is only one good song in Corpse Bride. It's pretty fun, but I felt that it was too short (the movie over all), I wanted about another half hour of conflict before the resolve. It did have one feature that I absolutely loved. I could predict the ending, but I couldn't figure out how in the world they were going to get to that point. I was generally interested, that's all there is to it, although I was pleased with how it ended. I just wanted more. I have to give Bonejangles and the rest of the crew 5 out of 10.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a movie that absolutely has to be watched in the right mind set. I watch it sometimes and think it's quirky and funny and just crazy fun. Other times I look at it and think that it's dumb and ridiculous. Most of the time I like it. The Oompa Loompas' homeland, the Father who outlaws candy and throws it into the fire place, the toothpaste factory... I will say this, I'm glad Tim didn't try to make it anything like the Gene Wilder Classic Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, because now I can enjoy both. The best part is the puppet burn center, it's classic. The music is a little weird, but I would have to say I really enjoy Danny Elfman's music. He does most of Tim Burton's music. Helen Bonham Carter is in a lot of his movies as well, and is actually married to Tim (Charlie's mom, voice of the corpse bride). I have to give it a 5 out of 10 as well. Could be a lot better, but there is definitely things about this movie that I love. One of my all time favorite movies is by Tim Burton, and its not on this list, but it is coming....

Batman Begins

2008-04-01T18:20:00.000-07:00

I'm reviewing Batman Begins try and get people excited for The Dark Knight(no this isn't the Black Knight without limbs from the Search for the Holy Grail). I watched this movie with quite a bit of reservation, because by this time my hopes for comic book movies had been shattered so many time. I was like a dog that has been beaten its whole life and then someone tries to pet it and it just curls up getting ready to brace the blow. So the premise for this movie is that the other Batman movies never, ever happened(thank you!) The only Batman movies I can even stand are the first 2 by Tim Burton, but they're pretty dirty. Especially Batman Returns (The Penguin is so perverted!) This was mostly headed up by Christian Bale, turns out he's a pretty huge Batman fan. Having a celebrity heading up a movie is not enough to pull it off though. ie: Nicholas Cage- Ghostrider was an abomination to film. To say anything else is giving it too much attention. On a related note I would like to thank whoever it was that told Nicholas Cage he couldn't play Clark Kent when he requested the part. I would have been awful(see here).

Well the best place to start is to let you know, if you haven't seen this movie, watch it. When Bruce Wayne's parens dies, he goes through his process, and eventually leaves college and becomes a purposeless wanderer. He is found by Ras Al'Ghul, in a Mongolian prison. Wayne beats the crap out of a bunch of guys and so they put him in solitary. When he gets out he is trained to be a vigilante ninja. He decides morally he disagrees with Al'Ghul and blows up his home and goes back to Gotham. You're able to watch him become Batman in a way that no otehr movie, or cartoon at that matter, has ever captured. It's just great the way the plot unfurls. They include a 'Kingpin' like character, the scarecrow, Commissioner Gordon, who is not commissioner yet(imdb fyi, he is the actor who plays Sirius Black in the HP movies.) Alfred is played by Michael Caine who nails that role down, Lucius Fox is played by Morgan Freeman and Liam Neeson has a bigger part than he does in Krull.

I really enjoyed this film. Batman has been a pivotal character in the movie industry. He has had more movies made about him than any other super hero, even Superman! I grew up watching the cartoons, and who can forget good 'ol Adam West? Just in case you haven't seen this movie, it's pretty intense. I'd classify it as scary movie, not a horror, but definitely darker than most comic movies. I give it a 7 out of 10. I own it. I'll watch it a bunch more times. I like it. The Dark Knight looks exactly like Gordon described it. The same thing only more, "...we get body armor, they get armor piercing rounds, you wear a costume, what are they gonna do?" Escalation.

Stranger Than Fiction

2008-03-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

Stranger Than Fiction is interesting. This is a movie about Harold. Harold is a man who habitually counts things. He's able to do sums in his head that would give Matilda a run for her money. He works at the IRS and he hears an endless ocean as he puts away files in the basement by himself. The problem so do Karen Eiffel. Not in the way Harold does, though, she wrote it and it just happened to be true. This movie is funny. Completely unrealistic, in premises, but very plausible. Karen Eiffel is a British author who writes tragic novels in which you cheer for the protagonist through the entire book only to see him die in the end. Her new book death and taxes is about Harold. Everything she types about Harold he hears. Is he crazy? No, and how do we know? Because the voice is a third person omniscient who is able to describe Harold's thoughts to a 'T' and "...with a better vocabulary." So he hears voices, no big deal, Right? That is until he hears the words, "Little did he know."

Dustin Hoffman is in this movie and he plays a literary professor who tries to help Harold out. He is a hoot. It's really hard to explain, but fun to watch. Emma Thompson is the pariah who plays the author and voice in Harold's head, and she does an absolutely fantastic job. Harold is Will Ferrell and, well, to be quite honest it's a lot of fun watching him in a movie where he isn't playing some moron who makes sick jokes all the time. He really does a great job.

To watch this piece and actually appreciate it, you have to look at it as art. This movie is kind of made to make you think. It's about how he changes his life. He is a great guy in the beginning, but he is just kind of in a drab existence. Although, he is 100% satisfied. After hearing his life described by this author, and because of some 'little innocuous act that will lead to his eminent death,' he learns how to live. It sounds a little cheesy, and I'm pretty sure this review doesn't make much sense, but I really like this movie. There is one "F" bomb that Hoffman drops, and it is so out of place you'll be knocked off your feet. The love interest, Mrs. Gyllenhaal, says a line that'll make you a little uncomfortable. It's unfortunate, but the good news is the rest of the movie is entirely enjoyable. I give it a 7 out of 10, mostly for uniqueness and well, because it just wasn't what I was expecting and I was quite pleasantly surprised by the whole movie. Keep your eye out for the use of the color Sea Foam Green, and think of the 'ol RHS lockers!

Super Size Me

2008-03-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

We've all heard of Super Size Me. It's the movie where this guy goes to 3 different doctors to check out how healthy he is. He is in great shape. Then he decimates his health and almost destroys his liver by eating nothing but a McDonald's diet for 30 days straight. 3 meals a day. He must eat everything. He must try everything on the menu at least once. If they ask him to super size it, he must say yes. Even the water he drinks has to come from of the counter. Sounds exciting, right? Well sort of.

This guys name is Morgan Spurlock and he directed this movie. The movie has a great production value for what it is. The concept is interesting, but doesn't hold up. I got pretty bored with it, and I split up the viewing. He talks to doctors and then to school lunch ladies. He travels a bit, but in the end, it's just a guy eating food. He ends up gaining 28.5 lbs in that course of 30 days and starts his own little pot gut. It takes him over a year to get back into the shape he was in. That's pretty much the movie. The only other thing is that he tries to make an attempt to talk to McDonald's CEO, and he doesn't return his calls. Morgan includes lots of staggering statistics about how fat people in America are, how many times we go to fast food restaurants. he even does a little bit of 'Jay-walking.' I, having studied some in my life, think most statistics in the world are ridiculously in favor of the people who are trying to use them. So I was less than awe struck by most of it, but some of you may like it.

I did enjoy the fact that he threw up after eating his first super sized meal. It was funny, because he thought he could eat it all. He didn't even finish. There is also this guy who eats nothing but Big Macs. Seriously. At least 3 a day, and he can't way more than a buck seventy five. (He has a great hair style as well). The other thing that I thought that was most interesting is that he would eat, and be full and then crave the food soon thereafter. Not only that, but he would feel sick and depressed a lot of the time....until he ate. It made him instantly feel better. I would have to say that although I believe that to be a truth, he, as the actor, director, producer, etc., may have overplayed it a bit on film. Whether he likes it or not he had an agenda. I think that he made a very good point and deserves credit for what he did, but as I said before, I was definitely less than awe struck be Super Size Me. 4 out of 10. One last thing, if you like creepy looking paintings of Ronald McDonald, this movie is for you!

The King of Kong

2008-03-09T21:22:00.000-07:00

Wow, that is all I can say. Wow. The King of Kong is a documentary that introduces the viewers to the thriving world of retro arcade game high score tournaments. It's is truly a subculture that has been overlooked since 1982 (the year I was born). Billy Mitchell is a god in some peoples eyes when it comes to retro arcade game high scores, or raghs (raw-gz), as I now like to call them. He achieved several high scores 25 years ago that have been undisputed until Steve Wiebe (weebee) comes along. he is a family man with a bit of OCD. After having the potential to do anything and never achieving greatness, he comes across the raghs kept on the Twin Galaxies Website. He sees the score set on the arcade version of Donkey Kong and decides that he can beat that. He then goes to buy an arcade version of the game and plays for months on end in his garage. Steve has a great recording of hi beating the game with his young son screaming through tears in the background something to the effect of, 'Dad, stop playing Donkey Kong and wipe my butt!' Steve's reply is 'Stop it, I'm going to beat the high score!' That's dedication right there.

Well this just gets the ball rolling. Unfortunately, due to association with someone in the raghs community that has a bone to pick with Billy Mitchell, (none other than the infamous, Mr. Awesome!), the score is disputed and Steve is left to suck it up and suffer through yet another humiliating failure of many that comprise his life. He decides with the support of his wife and family to go to a tournament at Funstop at Lake Winnipesaukee the home of Brian Kuh, the 30 year old gamer/computer nerd who has retired and moved here to become Billy Mitchell's spiritual successor. After several grueling games of DK, and countless critical eyes staring at the newcomer Steve Weibe, Steve reaches the kill screen after defeating once again, but this time verified, Billy Mitchell's record. Billy won't go down without a fight. Having armed an 80 years lady who is gunning for the Q-Bert high score with a video tape and a death threat to Brian, a video is revealed of Billy not only beating his own record, but the one that Steve had just recently set. Shattered, Steve returns to Washington with his tail betweens his legs.

In the end Steve tries one more time to beat Billy's record at a tournament to get him in the Guinness book of world records, but he fails yet again. Now the plot of this documentary is only slightly interesting, but the people in this movie are Un-Believable. With quotes like, "That ape is cunning and will do whatever it takes to stop you." or "this is a weight lifters glove, but I use it so I can play marble madness all day. Some of the joysticks give me callouses." The best though is Billy asking, "Do you know what my initials are?" and of course someone inevitably answers BM, which I find humorous, but Billy corrects them saying, "If you don't know what my initials are, you aren't looking close enough. Did you see the tie I was wearing yesterday? (an American flag, today it was the Statue of Liberty). 'That's right my initials are USA. I have some Latin and Canadian friends, but I always put the USA first." why would you say that? I mean if this were 1982.... Anyways, the people in this show are unreal and are an absolute hoot to watch. The epilogue of the show tells us that Steve finally beats the high score of Donkey Kong and sends in a tape and it's verified, but I just checked the website, 3 months later, Billy took him out again, by a mere 900 points. These people are, well, I don't know, I was blown away. I give it a 5 out of 10. Worth a watch if you are in the mood for something like a train wreck that you just can't turn away from. Intriguing, yet disturbing.

Pan's Labyrinth

2008-02-26T18:56:00.000-08:00

If you are looking for a fantasy-ish movie with violence, graphic violence, disturbing images, horrible monsters, lots of blood, graphic violence and a unnerving plot all with Spanish subtitles, this Pan's Labyrinth was made for you. I can't spend all that much time on this movie, but I, with a several friends wanted to watch this movie, because it looked interesting. This movie is dark and disturbing. I watched it and should have turned it off, but I didn't.

Pan is referring to the goat like satyr known from Greek mythology as Pan. He is barely in it and is referred to as the faun. Well just to ease any curiosity someone may have to watch this movie, let me give a synapses. A mom married some evil captain in the Spanish army, in Spain, who impregnated her and has absolutely now interest in his wife's 10 year old daughter, Ofelia. Ofelia is obsessed with fantasy stories and seems to have a wild imagination. They have to move to the captains post out in the middle of some forest with guerrillas all around. Violence ensues, including people in extremely graphically ways, for no reason. Ofelia follows a giant bug she calls a fairy to a Labyrinth which wakes up the faun who tells her she is the embodiment of the princess of the underworld. She has to do three gross, nasty, appalling tasks to return to her real parents.

The first is to force feed a nasty toad some kind of weird balls that cause it to implode. She needs to get something from a child eating monster, and well yeah.... The third task is pretty much to kill her little brother. In the end, and her is a spoiler many guerrillas die, they win, lots of soldiers die, the doctor dies, a studdering guy is killed, the mom dies, the captain is killed, but right before that he shoots Ofelia and joins her royal parents of the underworld. Well, he leaves it open for you to decide if this twisted story with the faun and the underworld is either real or really just in her head. It's in her head, she is crazy and was murdered. It's a great show.....1 out of 10 because I actually like the fact that it was in Spanish.

Beowulf

2008-02-10T16:34:00.000-08:00

Hi folks. I return to you once again in the form of a critically acclaimed as well as self proclaimed professional movie critic (aka; a CAAWASPPMC). I watched Beowulf when it was still in the 3-d theaters. The first info that ever came to me about this movie was a cardboard cutout at the Provo Town Centre cinemas that looked awesome. I soon enough came home and looked up a preview and discovered a 'Red Tag' trailer of the film. In short I found out that it's a rated R trailer (avoid those ones). I was extremely impressed by the special effects and the plot looked intense. I was pretty disappointed that it was rated R. Well, when it was finally released to the theaters, it was only PG-13. Now, that's not something that I would usually rely on, but I was teetering on watching it anyways. So, between that and the fact that it was in 3-d, I disillusioned myself to be convinced that they must have cleaned it up and that it will be a great film. Nope.

The only thing that could have made this movie more appalling to women and more appealing to men (only in the most stereotypical sense) would be a game of rochambeau. Seriously, Zemeckis (he directed the creepy Polar Express and Monster House), took steroids, did the dew, lifted weights, drove a diesel engine with hemi, punched an American Gladiator in the face, watched Roadhouse, Grindhouse and killed the cast of Full House just to be manly enough to direct this movie. It's out of control. Some of the jokes are way off color. Beowulf is nude, frequently, but not in a pornographic way. It was more of a "I am so manly that even armor and underwear make me look like a sissy," kind of way. Unfortunately Anthony Hopkins wore less clothes than desired in one part. All characters make you very uncomfortable, and to even look at Grendel you will require and extremely strong stomach, not to mention the fact you can't understand a single word he says. I have frequently described the feeling of this entire film as very similar to the uneasiness felt when watching the sequences about Rohan in Lord of the Rings. Believe it or not it gets worth after that. Beowulf is constantly slashing and killing beast and monsters in very graphic ways. And when he isn't doing that, the monsters are doing it to all of the humans! It's quite unnerving, and bloody. Very bloody.

The one and only redeeming factor was the special effects. I have never been a fan of 3-d movies, but this one seemed to me a mile above the rest. I actually jumped three times because I thought something was being thrown at me. It was pretty awesome. I really enjoyed the eye candy that came with the movie. There is this one part where Beowulf is hanging from the golden dragon by a chain and starts falling and comes with inches of being impaled on a castle spire that came right out at you. That was definitely one of my three jumps (one of the others being during the credits). It may have been different to watch this movie in a theater full of anxious movie goers and someone else who had built this up in their mind to be something great. But as it was, I was alone with 7 other people in the theater. I give it a 3 out of 10. I wish I could take back that time, but I would just want to watch it still. So I learned my lesson between this movie and Pan's Labyrinth. I thought I wanted to watch both, but in the end wish I hadn't seen either.

Stardust

2008-01-29T18:04:00.000-08:00

Stardust is a movie that was made to have fun. Tristan is trying to impress a girl. He tells her that he is going to bring her a fallen star they saw so that she'll marry him. He has to cross the wall to get there, and that leads to the fantasy Kingdom of Stormhold. It is a Fabulous land full of witches, magic, peasants, kings, pirates, princes, and mystery. It's the place that I've always imagined I'd like to be if I lived in medieval conditions. I'll trade technology for real magic any day!(I could use magic to invent technology). Tristan finds the star first, by chance, even though there are several other very deadly parties involved trying to find the star, so they can eat her heart. One of the key things tha t really made the movie entertaining is the 7 princes of Stormhold. I won't give away too much, but their names are to hilarious. Primus, Secundus, Tertius, Quartus, and so forth. Their sister is Una. That whole gag is classic, almost Mel Brooks-ish, and it works.

Michelle Pfeiffer is in there. Robert DeNiero, Ricky Gervais(the guy who plays the Michael Character from the British version of the office), as well as Claire Daines. Tristan is played by a relative no name actor, and I absolutely love that. He does a fantastic job. When Orlando Bloom played Legolas in LOTR, he was just grateful he had a job. He was awesome, now.....not as much. So, Tristan played by Charlie Cox, look for him in upcoming stuff and see how he does. This movie came out this summer and was up against some huge movies like, Pirates 3, Spiderman 3, The Simpson's movie, The Bourne Ultimatum, Transformers, Shrek 3 Harry Potter 5 and so on. You remember the great blockbusters from the summer. I thought it was the most overlooked movie of the year, and it turns out it was. It even received an award at the PCFS Award for such.

It's a fun movie and I was pleasantly surprised by it. I think I was in the perfect mood when I watched it as well. I love this movie. The director did well, and I think a movie is 85% the directors fault, good or bad. So Kudos to him. There were several great camera shots in the movie that just drew you into the scene. Look for Secundus with the soothe sayer and when the witch creates an Inn. Great special effects and fantastic story. It is a little predictable, but that didn't bother me to much about this. The biggest complaint I have is that I wanted more. More explanation and more detail. But perhaps it was done on purpose in order to get me to watch it a few more times. If they didn't do it on purpose, then their just lucky, because it worked anyway. It is based on a graphic novel (not a comic), I haven't read it yet, but I will soon. My opinion of it may change *wink, wink* but for now it gets a 9 out of 10. It's the movie I would like to think I would make. (If I ever made a movie.)

The Pansy of Monte Cristo

2008-01-28T20:47:00.000-08:00

Wow, I have seen this movie now 5 or 6 times. It was one of the first movies I watched after returning from my mission. I thought it was great. So when I saw it 6 months ago for $5 I bought it. I have only rewatched it tonight for the first time. But alas, as with several other movies watched in that time frame, I have had a complete change of heart. I read the book over the summer and was astounded by the complexity of the characters. The plot goes on and on, delving deeper and deeper into the histories of each of the characters. It, at first, seemed irritatingly tedious, but once things got going it was as intense of a story as ever could be written.The movie sucks. Now, people can argue until the cows come home, doomsday, the second coming and until the cubs win the pennant over book to movie transitions. This is the final word. IT CAN BE DONE!! But in most cases isn't

Very, very, very unfortunately, 99 out of 100 movies that have derived from book are so wretchedly stupid, that to watch them is an insult to creativity, art and movies in general. (Not to mention the authors or characters in the books themselves!)Off the top of my head 5 movies that were originally books that sucked hardcore: (excluding the Count of Monte Cristo) 1. All the Harry Potter Movies 2. Les Miserables 3. James and the Giant Peach 4. The Chronicles of Narnia 5. Eragon (personally I liked it, but I could tell that it sucked if that makes any sense) Now the opposite 1. The Princess Bride 2. The Lord of the Rings 3. Stardust 4. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 5. hmm, I'm pretty sure that's it. That is just a small list off the top of my head. Now if you have read any of these books and compared them to the movies they came from you'll find that they all changed things. What they changed is the issue. My biggest problem comes from directors who change the context of the characters so much that the essence of who they are is lost. Although, after reading Chronicles, I liked the movie better, I just didn't like the actors that played the kids. The easiest way to show how to mutilate a story is Harry Potter 4. Pretty much the only thing they got right was the title. The characters will be type casted for the rest of their life adn it was hardly worth it. The Goblet of Fire changed so many essential keys to the plot of the book, that it was impossible to enjoy. The changes made for the movie of The Count of Monte Cristo make Harry Potter movies look like they were verbatim from the text.

It's difficult to say that they based the movie upon the book! It's a lot more like somebody saw the title of the book, read half of the leaf at the front of the book, threw up on it, and then said, "I have a great idea for a movie!", then proceeding to film vomit for almost two hours. Seriously folks. It was awful Edmond is infinitely smarter, cleverer, richer, a better fighter and totally in control of EVERYTHING. Mercedes is so much more shallow in the movie. Oh, and poor Morrell is barely mentioned and Danglars is much dirtier than the movie even attempts to make him. Don't even get me started on Villefort(the character Valentine is his daughter in the book but his wife in the movie. Why would you even want to do that?), Villefort's father is so pointless in comparison to his real role in the story, Luigi Vampa, or Fernand, talk about a gutter ball in the lane at the other side of the alley. You don't even know who Franz, Haydi, or Eugenie are. The only saving graces from this movie are Luis Guzman, (Jacopo) for Humor, the Priest, and Albert, just because they played those two characters somewhat decently to what the were in the book. For this I reluctantly give 3 out of 10 points. If anyone would like this movie, I will be glad to hand it over. Is it one of the worst movies ever, in and of itself? No. But if people knew what it could have, nay, should have been, public outrage would be equivalent to that of Watergate.

Krull

2008-01-19T16:07:00.000-08:00

The Best Movie Ever Made! that is exactly what these people thought when they made this movie. This is was the Sci-Fi, Renaissance, Love, Action, Comedy, Feel Good movie of the year in 1983(I was 1). I caught this movie on the Disney channel when I was about ten, and I loved it. I watched it about 15 times and then it disappeared from my life...until two months ago. I found it on Netflix and put it to the top of the queue post haste. Seriously though, a life lived without Krull, is a life wasted. I have never seen a movie its equal have have major doubts that I ever will.

Colwyn is a brave head strong prince in tight black with white pinstripe matte latex pants. He meets his soon to be wife, Lyssa, the day of their marriage and they make out. After the coolest special FX with fire coming out of water and them passing the flame to each other, bare handed, (so cool!) the Slayer attack the castle and kidnap Lyssa. After and amazing fight scene with lasers and swords (not laser swords), Colwyn is wounded . He is awoken by the Old One(but not as old as all that!) who informs Colwyn that Lyssa has been captured, and both of their families are dead and that he is the king of all of Krull. Now Colwyn has a quest on his hands, but one that is not to be fought without the power of the Glaive!

This movie has Action, Advventure, a giant albino spider, an hour glass, a Cyclops, a changeling, an Emerald Elder, and tremors that come out the slayers when they die. Even though those tremors are there, Kevin Bacon sat this one out, but the guy who plays the Teacher from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory(I can't do just 2!!!, I'll do 200) takes his place. Robbie Coltraine, Hagrid from the Harry Potter films plays Rhun, an ornery member of a gang with another famous actor, that's right Qui-Gon Jinn himself, Liam Neeson. Yes, if you've been waiting for a movie where Liam Neeson plays a thug in a ramshackle gang of escaped convicts, while have 8 wives, you were waiting in vain. It's already been done. In Krull, the greatest movie of all time. The Beast, the antagonist, is a masterpiece and has to be seen to be believed. I shall no longer beat around the bush and simple tell you the real reason to watch this movie, (as if everything listed isn't enough), the Fire Mares. That's all I can say. I can't find the trailer on line, so I embedded a clip from youtube to whet your appetite. This reminds me of the Princess bride, a movie that everyone likes because they're all pretending to be serious, but you know their not. 10 out of 10.

Ocean's 46

2008-01-17T18:10:00.001-08:00

I love these movies. I mean. Funny, funny stuff. I will admit it. I am a fan of trilogies. Ocean's 11 was by far the best. I loved 12 and 13 though at about the same level. The biggest plus for this movie definitely comes from the replay value. You pick up on a different subtlety or joke or trick or something every time you watch them. The cast really plays well off of each other, which is always fun, but occasionally it draws away from the movies. That's probably my sole complaint, that sometimes I can't see them as their characters. Each one of the characters have a well thought through personality and I hate to see anything detract from that.

As I said Ocean's 11 is by far the best, and it's hard to argue with that. It was fresh, witty, and seemingly original. They took the "lets nail the big guy" to a different level than any other movies had. Not necessarily to a better place, but in an unexpected direction. From the subtle foreshadowing with the pine tree air freshener, to completely playing Linus, you never know. It's kind of like a mystery. When Saul has a heart attack you wonder, but it was more than anything just fun getting to know the characters.

Ocean's 12 was a movie of acquired taste. The first time you saw it, you were disappointed because it didn't blow us away. To be honest I thought that it had a cop out ending. Then I watched again and picked up some more of those subtleties, and thought it was better. the third time I started to see why they did what they did. The fourth viewing was just fun. Perfect? No way. 11 was still better, but they were quite deliberate in this movie. I thought it was fun to see how they all used their money, and it was a much more difficult scam to understand, which(according to me) is why it was less appreciated.

Ocean's 13, I'm assuming, is the least viewed of the three. I went and watched it with the second counselor of my ward in the theater. This movie is funny. There aren't any big surprises, but they are back in Vegas, and it feels as if they have total a hometown advantage. If you thought Ocean's 11 had an impossible task, this makes that look like child's play. The best part by far is the strike in Mexico. Comedic genius put to good work. They will still surprise you a few times, but for the most part you are just able to watch this movie with a smirk. Sit back and enjoy. I give them 8 out of 10. Funny, clever and great replay value. If nothing else you need to enjoy these movies to support Virgil and Turk, the Mormon Twins. "Have you ever been to Provo? i think you'd do well there."

The Sting

2008-01-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

First things first. If you have never heard of this The Sting, you have got to watch it. This is one of the best written movies I have ever seen. It was made in 1973, and was the second movie with this the Newman/Redford duo. This movie has a lot of comedy and is a lot of fun. They use a ton of great words like "grifter", "the Big Con," and the antagonist has an awesome Irish accent to rival any I've heard. Just a side note, the song "The Entertainer" is was written in 1902, and was used as the theme music for this movie.

It's set in the 30's in Chicago mostly, but they do travel a bit. It has a similar feel to the Ocean's movies or The Italian Job, so if you liked these movies, you'll dig it. It's on a much different scale, in a very different time and setting and has a real entertaining aspect to it. They make you feel like you are in on the secrets, but then you get a curve ball thrown at you and it hits you in the head, repeatedly. They pull themselves out of at least half a dozen quite sticky situations, and its hard to figure out who is on who's side. The Sting is full of surprises up to the very end.

The movie is PG, but here's a warning, without much of a spoiler. After the first score, Hooker(Redford) goes to a dance club and the woman who is dancing is way to scantily clad. Don't completely skip the scene though, because you'll miss something pretty important to his character development right after that. So fast forward the 30 second scene, and then after that they are fully dressed. This movie earns a 8 out 0f 10. You don't get 7 Oscars for nothing! I believed they nailed what they were going for, and had a lot of fun doing it. It's an older film but if you can get past that(which I like but some do not), this movie can hold it's own today.

Underdog

2008-01-15T18:13:00.000-08:00

This is from Leah. She's the first guest critic on the web's #1 movie review website(statistics based upon the movie site I've visited most in the past 7 days). I'll add my two cents and my 1 out of 10 rating system after I watch the film, I like most of the world, have avoid this movie like it was a sequel to the Land Before Time LMXXCIIX: Littlefoot's Prostate, which I understand has a preview for the next one LBT: Sarah and the Osteoperotic Psoriasaus. Here we go!

All hail Redbox. Sometimes, though, they don't have the movie you were planning on getting, and your kids are getting restless and running a muck in the store. So you let them choose, and they choose "UnderDog". Your husband rolls his eyes and shrugs it off as yet another failed Disney venture and says, "I hope you don't mind if I work instead of watch that." But he sits down for a few minutes anyway, and after a few minutes is actually laughing! Everyone is laughing! You are laughing! Before you know it, the movie is over and you find yourself saying, "Hey, that was surprisingly good!"

You read me: surprisingly good. UnderDog is a below average beagle who ends up with super powers after being subject to the crazy experiments of a mad scientist. Although I typically hate typecasting (can we gag through another Jon Heder movie? No.) Patrick Warburton gives a superb performance as the not-so-bright meathead sidekick. (You'll remember him as Kronk in "The Emperor's New Groove" or as Putty on "Seinfeld".) The plot is pretty straight forward, and let's be honest, it can get downright Disney cheesy. But if you can just hunker down and stick it out, I think you'll also be pleasantly surprised. I would even watch it again to catch all the funny one-liners that can often get skimmed over. And, hey, if you can get it free at Redbox, it's definitely worth your money!

I Am Legend

2008-01-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

Suspenseful. Definitely intense, a little bit creepy, and at one point extremely loud. I Am Legend is one of those movies that you watch and it just pulls at you until you are ready to break. I will say that this movie isn't for everyone. I read up on it, and did my homework before I watched it. I'm glad i did, because it just added to what there was to see. It's something I'd recommend to someone who wants an intense movie.

It has been compared to Cast Away, and I can see that. Cast Away is much more symbolic and thought provoking. This is like Cast Away with real monsters, on steroids, in the entire world instead of just an island, with less chance of a rescue, and a dog instead of a volleyball. And Mannequins(Fred is integral in one of the most intense scenes in the movie). Now there is one other movie this reminded me of, now bear with me after I saw it, but War of the Worlds. The foreign species taken over humankind and families being seperated. Even the ending to I Am Legend gave me some of the same feeling as War of the Worlds. But If you haven't noticed it has made my worst movies of all time list. The big difference between I.A.L and W.o.t.W is that Will Smith and Francis Lawrence (the director) were able to pull it off where Tom Cruise and Stephen Spielberg tripped at the starting line and had their blood and veins spread out all over the ground in New England.

I'm trying to develop the perfect way to rate movies. I'm leaning towards the way that gives credit where it's due, and takes away less points for personal taste. This means I must emphasize and give more points to a movie if I feel that they accomplished what they were trying to do. I bestow an 8 out of 10. I think they nailed it and any movie that can cause me of all people to be absorbed into it that much deserves at least a 7. It wasn't my favorite movie in the world but I enjoyed it a lot and have thought about it many times since. I can't wait to watch it again, and anyone who would like to can come over to my place for a party to watch it when it's released on DVD. We'll do it during the day. =)

Short Circuit

2008-01-13T18:50:00.000-08:00

I watched this movie last week. Short Circuit is nothing less than brilliant! Ok, maybe not that great, but it was much more entertaining than I remembered it to be. There are some great one liners given to us by Ben, who is Newton Crosby's(Steve Guttenberg) assistant. He has an extremely thick Indian accent and constantly messes up American idioms(which is always entertaining). it was a time when racial stereotyping was funny, and not something to get sued for. 'Ol Guttenberg is enough to give this movie a good watching again, if you haven't seen it for awhile.

If I watched this movie 10 times in the next ten years, that would be too much. If I watched it 3 times, that would be just right. The numero uno reason this movie is fun to watch, is to see how crappy the "cutting edge" electronics of the 80's were. On top of that I didn't understand 7 out 10 jokes in that movie. Given that only 6 out of 10 are even funny, but that still means I missed out on 50% of the fun.

So given what they were trying to do, when they tried to do it, for how popular it was at the time, and who was in it, I have to give it 6 out of 10. I'll add a bonus point to give it a 7 out of 10 for anyone who has seen this movie more than 10 times before 1995. That's a nostalgia point and I will not be held responsible for it if you watch it without the minimum prerequisite 10 viewings. Johnny five making breakfast and then taking apart the guys Firebird in 30 seconds is worth the rent. Oh, and if you have netflix, it's on the "Watch Now" feature. "Need input."

Pirates of the Carribean Trilogy

2008-01-13T08:44:00.000-08:00

In a nutshell, this whole franchise was a bait and switch. It's hard to find anyone who'll disagree that The Curse of the Black Pearl was a fantastic movie. It's more difficult to find someone who'll say they liked Dead Man's Chest. On top of all of that, I argue that it is impossible to find anyone that will even tell you that At World's End is even worth watching. It was worth watching, sort of.

The reason we all loved Pirates 1 was because it was A-new and exciting, B- full of a lot of actors no one really new before that point(Depp being the exception), and C-the comic relief was funny, and not cliche. ie; "Gents, take a walk." "Hello, Poppet." The guy with the eye, the monkey, the weirdness of Sparrow. Plain and simple, it worked. Pirates 2 had slightly more of what the first move had, but the problem was little of it was new. I personally thought that they pulled off the CGI, while a it was still a bit eccentric. The biggest problem was that instead of adding to the depth of the characters, they either Xeroxed them from the first movie or made them become completely shallow and uninteresting. Since it seems to be human nature to compare everything to something else, and this was naturally compared to Pirates 1. People were surprised that this movie didn't knock their socks off, and that is where the problem with P-2 lies; it left much to be desired.

Pirates 3 is a movie that while very long and full of action, is tied together with drawn out weirdness that attempts to glorify some of the characters, 9 out of 10 times the Jack Sparrow persona. That in and of itself is the formula for a lot of movies therefore it is hard to argue that the movie in and of itself was doomed. The fault was that every joke, every quirk, every single thing worth watching in the entire movie, you had seen in the two movies previous. It was almost a spoof of the other two. The script suffered the disease know as suckiness. The little extras they put in to make things exciting(Keith Richards being Jack's dad, the Pirate Lords, and all the hype about bringing Jack back) were anticlimactic. Especially Richards.

So the story was great. I think that if someone would have had a P.O.T.C best seller, no one would complain. Through to the end I believe the plot was great. The characters started out as having the characters as deep as the ocean and ended up being as predictable as finding a sea monster in a kiddie pool. The ending, while full of action was disappointing. I will give credit where I think it was due, and I believe most of the actors did a great job through the entire series. (Anyone who wants to be critical must always look at the director!) As well these were not easy movies to make. For the entire series they get 6 out of 10 points.

Introducing

2008-01-10T19:08:00.001-08:00

I like Movies. A lot. Not as much as some people, but probably more than your average bear. I have a lot of opinions about movies is were I'm going to put them. Out there for you to read....and when I say you I mean me, because I'm not sure how interested other people will be, but I sahll take it upon mysllf to write it for you nonetheless. In that light I welcome thee.
I am going to "review" a bunch of movies. New, old, yet to be, should be, shouldn't be and even the never should have seen the light of day movies(Kate and Leopold). I am tired of reading top and bottom 10 lists that I don't agree with, so I would like to take this opportunity to make some of my own, in turn giving you the opportunity to do the same. If you are interested in putting your movie review on here, please feel free, I'll publish your post. If you just want to read it, Great! If you have some ideas for top ten lists I'll be interested. I hope this turns out to be a lot of fun, and with that said, let's do it!